Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
I clear my throat, moving my gaze from the Doctor to Scarlet. Only when Scar gives me a tiny nod do I talk. “It was a memory of me as River having sex with Scarlet.”
If Dr. Stone is shocked she doesn't let it show. “And how did that make you feel?”
I take a few seconds to think about it before I answer. “Relieved, and maybe a little content. Before, it was hard for me to wrap my mind around not remembering. It felt like River was a different person, but now that I had this memory come back it’s different. Now I know it was still me.”
“Excellent. That is a very good process, Ren. Much faster than other patients I’ve worked with. You should be proud of yourself and all the work you have put in.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“Does that mean this will happen more often now? Ren remembering, I mean?” Scarlet asks.
“Hopefully, yes. This is definitely a good start.” Dr. Stone turns to me. “If you are up for it, I would like to try a little exercise today that might help you to connect with River more.”
“I’m up for anything,” I say with confidence.
“Alright, for this exercise, I need you to lie down and get comfortable.
“Okay.” I nod and kick off my shoes. Shifting my body, I lay down on the couch and prop my head up on Scarlet’s lap. “I’m comfortable.”
“Close your eyes and take a few calming breaths,” Dr. Stone says before coaching me through some breathing exercises. At the end of it, I feel more than relaxed, almost lightheaded. My mind has drifted to a calming place of darkness.
“Now I want you to imagine a red door in front of you. Do you see it?”
I do what she asks, and imagine a red door appearing in my mind. “Yes I see it.”
“I want you to reach for it, grab the door knob and turn it. Open the door and behind the door you see River.”
Again, I do as she asks. I reach with the door knob and open the door, pushing it open until I see River on the other side. I used to see him in my head all the time, hallucinating, FaceTime, timing and talking on the phone, but since the doctor started me on medication, those hallucinations have become obsolete.
“Do you see him?” The doctor questions.
“Yes.”
“Good, now tell him what you would usually write in your notebook. Tell him how you feel and what you want him to do.”
“I just want him to be happy or at least content with what we accomplished. Rebecca is dead and so is her son. We’re alive, and been forgiven by the people who we love the most. That needs to be enough.”
it will never be enough. River tells me in my mind.
“It has to be,” I add. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you understand.” Because that’s the only chance I have for a happy ending.
29
SCARLET
There is nothing like waking up next to the man I love. It’s something so simple, and I’d bet so many people take it for granted. It’s easy to do that when you’ve never seen the way everything can change all at once. It’s easy to lose sight of everything that could go wrong.
But nothing is wrong now. Ren is getting better every day, and he’s not afraid to have me around him anymore. I stretch with a smile, throwing my arms over my head and even groaning happily. There is nothing in the world like a good stretch after a long night’s sleep.
I am about to announce this to Ren before my eyes open and I find myself alone.
All of the warmth and happiness I just soaked in turns icy cold. “Ren?” I whisper, my heart in my throat. When nothing greets me but silence I scramble out of the bed, pulling on the jeans and tee I left on the floor last night before crawling in next to him. What if he turned into River and is walking around the house, wanting to hurt somebody? Is there ever going to be a time when I don’t fear that? Once I’m dressed, I race for the door and fling it open.
And then I jump back, yelping in surprise to see Ren standing on the other side. From the looks of it, he was about to reach for the door knob to come inside. He jumps a little, too, and we have one of those moments where we both stand around with our hands on our chest, catching our breath and laughing.
“Sorry,” he chuckles, wincing. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.” More than okay. All of my fears dissolve when I find him smiling, looking like the Ren I fell in love with. “I woke up and you weren’t here, and I didn’t know what to think.”