Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 101796 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101796 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
“That works.” He folds his arms on the edge of the pool, facing the patio. “Try this. Do what I’m doing.” As I watch, he slowly lowers himself into the water until his head is under the water for just a second before he comes back up.
“No way.”
“You can do it,” he tells me. “This is how kids learn how not to be afraid of the water. It’s how they build confidence.”
“Good for them. I’m not trying to overcome any more today. This is enough.”
“I still think it would be easier for you to get comfortable.”
And I think it would be easier for me to get through my life without him acting like he knows me so well. I settle for folding my arms on the edge, closing my eyes, feeling the water gently lap against my skin as Carter moves around. It’s sort of nice.
“This one time, I was in my friend’s pool,” he announces out of nowhere. “I had to pee really bad.”
“Oh, seriously?” Is he really going to tell me this story? “You peed in your friend’s pool?”
“No. I’m not an animal. I would never pee in somebody’s pool.”
“Oh. Well, that’s good.”
“I got out,” he explains, kicking slowly, almost lazily. I can’t help but notice the water droplets that land on his smooth back and shine in the sun. “And I started walking to the house. Only I waited too long, and I couldn’t hold it, so… I peed on the patio.”
“Oh, my god.”
“And then, when his mom noticed, she thought the dog did it.”
“And I guess you let her believe that,” I conclude, and he nods. “How old were you?”
“Maybe eight or nine.” I don’t think it’s the sun that has his cheeks flushed. He wears a sheepish grin when he adds, “As far as I know, they never figured it out.”
“Either that, or they always knew it was you, and you’re the kid who peed in their backyard that one time.”
“Oh, fuck,” he groans. “This is what I get for sharing a story.”
“Sorry.”
“I don’t think you are, really.”
I shouldn’t, but I can’t help giggling. “You’re right. I’m not, really.”
“Finally, a little honesty.” He creeps a little closer, nudging me with his elbow. “I really am proud of you, you know. I mean it. You’re brave for getting in the water like this.”
“I don’t feel very brave right now,” I have to admit. “I feel scared, and I hate that I feel scared.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being scared when the whole world has shoved fear down your throat your whole life.”
There’s a truth to what he says that slowly starts to sink into my bones. It started all the way back when I was little, and I never knew what to expect from Mom’s boyfriends or from Mom herself. She did a lot more partying back then, out with her friends, meeting guys and bringing them home. Trying to fill up the emptiness inside her.
I have known fear all my life. That has to eat away at a person, right? It has to change their DNA.
I don’t have to let it win—the fear. I might not have had any choice in how it ended up ruling my life, but I have a choice whether I want to let it keep ruling me.
“Maybe you should come a little closer,” I suggest, inching my way over to him. All of a sudden, so many things that seemed impossible look different. Like maybe there is a way I can take control, after all. “Just to see how I handle being so close to somebody else in the water.”
“Okay…”
I don’t know if he believes me, but it’s not my problem, is it?
“You have me feeling more comfortable.” And it’s the truth. More than that, I wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t put the idea in my head that I’m strong enough. Nobody has ever gone out of their way like this for me. It makes me want to be closer to him. “But I don’t know. Maybe I need a little more protection.”
He doesn’t buy it—I can tell from the way he smirks—but do I care? I really don’t think I do. The warm, needy feeling in my core is adding to it. That has to be the weed.
“You definitely seem more comfortable.” His hand touches the small of my back, and I swear a bolt of electricity runs through me. I feel like my hair is standing on end. That’s how alive I am, awake.
The water flows over my skin, and I’m finally facing my fears. “Why are you shaking?” Carter asks in a soft voice, close to my ear. Even the touch of his breath on my skin makes me shiver. “You’re not still afraid, are you?”
“No.” And that’s the best part of all. I am not afraid. I don’t know what to do with this feeling, like there’s power or strength flowing through me. I got in the pool, and I’m still alive. There’s nothing to be afraid of.