Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
I scrolled through my phone, trying to get my whirlwind thoughts in order, finally punching the button to call the first person I could think of—Henners.
“What’s up, Bones?”
“Nothing, I…was just wondering if you were gonna show at the frat party tonight.”
“Maybe later, but I doubt it. I decided to spend time with Lark instead.”
“That’s cool. How is he?”
“Are you okay, Bones?” he asked hesitantly instead of answering my question. “You sound funny.”
I stood to pace and then blurted, “Did you always know you were gay?”
“Um, where is this headed?” His laugh was hollow. “Is this some kind of joke? Or maybe you’re drunk?”
“No!” And now I felt guilty that he didn’t trust me enough to have a heart-to-heart. Supposed he was scarred from last year and how his coming out had gone down. I’d hoped I’d made up for my behavior since then. “I was just curious about it. About how you knew.”
He huffed out a breath. “I knew because I checked out guys way more than girls, unlike the rest of you. And making out with women wasn’t fulfilling for me.”
I sat there dumbfounded, wondering why that didn’t seem to fit me or the increasingly puzzling situation with Emil. I was into women, and I enjoyed hooking up. Never felt anything deeper after one-offs to actually date someone long term—in fact, as soon as I got a whiff of romance or feelings, I shut it all down—but I did enjoy it.
“That’s only my story, Bones. Other people can be bi or pan and are attracted to all genders and different people. None of it is wrong. Our experiences just vary.”
My pulse throbbed in my throat. Was that what was happening to me? Was I attracted to my roommate the same way I was to women?
“Bones? You there?”
I snapped out of my thoughts. “Oh shit, sorry. Yeah, I’m here.”
“Is there something you want to talk about? You could always look up the LGBTQIA community online. There’s plenty more that I didn’t name.”
“Nah, no need. I better go. Thanks for the chat.”
Before he could say anything else, I ended the call and made my way back to the party, determined to shake these feelings. The first thing I did was grab a beer and gulp it down. When my gaze met Leah’s across the room, she smirked at me, so maybe Emil had told her about our bet. Christ, what would she think if she knew I’d followed him to the field?
I found my friends around the firepit, along with a few of the cheerleaders, including Melanie. When she flirted with me, I flirted back, but it didn’t feel right. I kept thinking about what Emil and the guy were doing in our dorm room.
Fuck, I felt like I was losing my mind.
I headed back inside to down another beer—at least that was what I told my friends—but found myself leaving the party instead. The guys wouldn’t even notice, and if they did, they’d probably think I was hooking up.
I wandered around campus a bit before finally returning to the dorm. I figured I had given Emil plenty of time. As I was about to twist the knob, the door opened.
“Fucking hell,” Emil exclaimed, startled. “You scared me.”
“Sorry.” Seeing the guy from the field standing directly behind him, I said, “Damn, I can come back later. I wasn’t sure—”
“It’s okay. I was just leaving.” The guy rolled his eyes as if annoyed.
“Catch you later,” Emil called out, then shut the door behind him.
“I’m sorry if I ruined anything. I was out of line before—”
He shook his head. “It’s all cool. We were…finished.”
“Oh, um…” I glanced at the bed, but nothing seemed out of place. “Well, I guess congrats are in order. You won the bet.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” He averted his eyes. “I’m gonna get changed.”
When he locked himself in the bathroom, I couldn’t get my shaking hands under control.
Was he mad at me? Had I ruined our vibe as roommates? God, why was I such a fucking idiot?
I threw myself across the mattress and tried to rein in my competing emotions.
“It’s all cool. We were…finished.”
My stomach throbbed. Was this what jealousy felt like? I needed to cut that shit out, or the rest of the term was going to be mighty awkward.
But I still couldn’t seem to settle. When I heard the shower turn on, I pulled out my laptop and opened my email.
Brody,
I don’t know what’s going on with me. I can’t stop thinking about my roommate.
There, I’d said it out loud—or rather, typed it.
To my dead brother.
Fucking hell, Brody, why do you have to be gone?
So maybe I’m…bisexual. But how does that explain why something feels different with him? Like, more? It’s not so much that I want to bone him…
Oh God, did I just type that?
…it’s that I feel like I want to be around him all the time.