Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91864 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91864 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
“I guess I’m imagining things.” The waitress came then and we each ordered our meal plus sides to share, and a bottle of red wine.
“I have emails to send you in the morning for your Young Architects grant. You got some good entries this year. It’s going to be hard to choose.”
I nodded. This was something I’d been doing for a few years. It was a college grant for low-income architecture students from single parents, or who had lost their parents. I hadn’t been low income because my grandmother was loaded, but it was important to me to help students who were similar to me in some ways.
“I also see you increased the award.”
“I did? Must have slipped my mind.” I cocked a brow at her. She would try to get all mushy about it and read more into it than what was there.
“Fine, fine. I get it. I’ll just mind my own business and do my job.” Sadie held up her hands as if surrendering. “You’d think after all these years, we’d be a little closer though. Now, I’m really minding my own business. I promise.”
I chuckled but also didn’t offer any information either. We chatted about work and a new guy she met on a dating app, who was apparently much more of a gentleman than the guy from the week before, who sent her dick pics after ten minutes of conversation.
It went from there to her sister who’d gotten pregnant and how upset her very religious parents were because she wasn’t married. “They already gave up hope on me being the good girl. Looks like Lacy fucked up too.”
Unlike me, Sadie had no problems talking about her life.
I listened and our food came, but my mind kept going back to Sean. My cell felt as though it was burning a hole in my pocket because I knew I had an unanswered text from him there. When are you free? he’d asked, and if I would have let myself answer earlier, I would have said tonight. Sadie was a much safer option.
We were halfway through our meal when my eyes were drawn to the left of our table. Just as I looked up, another set of blue eyes met mine. There were wrinkles around them but the shape and color were the same as what I saw every time I looked in the mirror.
They were my mother’s eyes.
My jaw tensed and my teeth immediately ground together.
There was a pause between us as we held each other’s stare. I wondered if she would come over to talk to me or if her only grandchild and the only person left of her daughter wasn’t worth her time. She proved the second option was correct when she turned and walked away.
“Who was that?” Sadie asked.
The muscles in my stomach felt too tight and suddenly, I’d lost my appetite. “No one,” I replied. “No one at all.”
Which was exactly what she’d always thought about me. I wasn’t, nor would I ever be, anyone.
I lay in bed with the small lamp on. The room was dark, other than that. My laptop sat on the bed beside me. After dinner with Sadie, I’d come home, run on my treadmill for an hour, showered, and then sat in bed to do some work.
Unfortunately, my grandmother kept sneaking into my thoughts and she was the last person I wanted to think about, so obviously I needed a distraction.
What did someone who was emotionally stunted, wanted to ignore painful memories, and who had recently realized they were bisexual do to pass the time? Google prostate orgasms and gay porn, of course.
I glanced at the bottle of lube on my pillow.
I could do this. I wanted to do this. Was I really going to do this?
The men on the videos sure as shit enjoyed it…as did Sean. I smiled at the thought of that, at the way his eyes had rolled back in his head when I found that spongy spot inside him.
I was definitely going to fucking do this. You only live once, right? And it was an orgasm. There was nothing to fear in that.
The snap of the bottle seemed to echo through my room. I was already naked and achingly hard from the porn I’d watched. Two men together were…hot…beautiful…did I mention hot?
I made my finger practically swim in lube because it was going up my ass for the first time, and I knew I had to be pretty fucking tight back there.
After hitting play on another video, I spread my legs, and leaned back and…Jesus fucking Christ, I was about to finger my own asshole.
Fucking Sean telling me about that magic goddamned trigger.
I watched as one of the guys blew the other while I let my finger work its way past my taint and to my hole. Rubbing the rim, I jacked my dick with the other hand.