Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 48783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 244(@200wpm)___ 195(@250wpm)___ 163(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 244(@200wpm)___ 195(@250wpm)___ 163(@300wpm)
MF stared, her eyes flinching with disapproval. “Do you or don’t you love Willa and Sky?”
“I love no one. I never have. I never will.”
God damn, tailor. You are so pathetic. Not willing to kill. Not willing to love. Not willing to give up your travel suit. Stand for something, brother. Anything. Or move the hell over and let me drive. Because I fuckinguaranteeyou, I’ll stand. I’ll slice, chop, choke, and butcher, too. Five in one, baby!
Damien drew a slow breath. They were all ganging up, attempting to emotionally manipulate him.
But here were the facts: that ascot was silk. One of a kind. Dyed with Pompeian ash spewed in 79 AD. It was said that when the fabric shimmered in the moonlight, you could see your death. He’d never witnessed such a thing, but any gentleman worth his salt would know that the ascot was the finest this world had to offer.
If Damien gave up his suit now, along with the ascot, what would be left to bargain with? A sex fairy, two smelly Chihuahuas, and an ex-vampire?
“I will throw in my travel scarf just so he knows I mean business,” Damien said, pulling it from his backpack. “But the suit stays here as a possible bargaining chip.” He rolled the note inside the ascot and scarf and handed them to Pet. “Pet, I mean it. You go, you drop, you return. No detours to mushroom patches, no stopping to make out with tropical flowers because they remind you of vaginas, and absolutely no talking to that vampire. Got it? Because if you fail, it will cost Sky her life. You like Sky. She’s your friend, remember?”
Pet nodded.
“Good. Off you go.” He opened the hut’s door, and Pet fluttered off.
“What was in the note?” MF asked.
“The truth.”
“You told him Cimil’s going to murder your two exes?” Bonbon asked.
“Yes. Also, if he did not help me, and they died because of it, I would personally invest in building an amusement park on his doorstep. Also, I offered him some new suits if he came to LA.”
“Do you think this is going to work?” MF asked.
“All the man must do is visit Cimil, make a few vampires, and then he can return to his cave. What is there to think about?”
Of course, there was only one issue: Damien had no clue why the vampire was hiding out in the jungle to begin with. Made bargaining a little difficult.
“So is it normal that the men eat alone?” Damien asked as Brutus turned the wild boar roasting on a spit over a large fire. Meanwhile, the women were up the hill, gathered around a massive bonfire, eating their dinner.
“Trust me,” Brutus said, “you don’t want to get anywhere near them when they eat. They turn feral.”
The other ex-soldiers around the fire nodded in agreement.
“Are you…happy here, Brutus?” MF asked.
“Compared to working for the gods and dealing with their shenanigans every day, this is heaven. And after a lifetime of fighting and killing Maaskab, evil vampires, stupid humans, and whatever else the Uchben were tasked with, I am more than happy to just kick back and let the women do it. I get to play with my son, teach him sword fighting, weaving, fishing, welding—once he’s old enough, of course. And my men enjoy around-the-clock sex because there are three women to every man.”
“Hear, hear!” said one of the soldiers.
“Hear, hear,” the others roared.
Brutus leaned in to whisper, “Plus, I really love Fina. The woman has a heart of gold, and she’s always down for a good romp.”
“Did someone say romp?” Pet appeared in front of Damien’s face, holding a piece of paper.
“Pet, what happened?” Damien asked. She’d been gone for over forty minutes.
Pet handed Damien the note. “I had to wait while he wrote a reply.”
“You spoke to Maxton?” Damien growled.
“Didn’t you say to read him the note?” Pet asked.
For fuck’s sake, she’s even dumber than Bonbon, said the beast.
Damien shook his head and unrolled the note, which was written on the back of the paper he’d sent. A foul odor hit his nose. “Is that…shit?” Damien held the note away from his face.
“Yup. That’s what took so long. He went out, found some squirrel turds, and then carefully wrote each word with a broken femur he had lying around.”
“What’s it say?” Brutus asked.
“Fuck your women. Fuck you. Fuck off. Come near me, and I will slice off your dick and make you eat it.” Damien frowned. “P.S. Thanks for the ascot and scarf. You have excellent taste. Cheers.”
I like him! the beast roared.
“Silence, brother. You are not helping.”
What? I am merely thrilled to learn I have a true brother out in the world.
“Who are you talking to?” Brutus asked, looking around for a hidden stranger.
“Damien has a psychotic twin living inside him,” MF said. “He kills people any chance he gets.”