Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 73042 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73042 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
The drive is silent as well, save for me telling him where to turn to get to my parents’ house.
When he finally pulls into the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath the tires of his car, he turns off the engine and looks at me. “I want you to know that I wish I could see you again,” he says.
My eyes widen as my heart sinks to my tummy. “So you’re saying you won’t see me again?”
He closes his eyes and leans over the steering wheel. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Raven. I could say tonight shouldn’t have happened, but we both know that would be a lie. I wanted it. I took what wasn’t mine to take.”
I place my hand over his. “You didn’t take anything, Vinnie. I gave myself to you, and I’d do it again.”
He smiles, but it’s a sad smile. “You’re so beautiful. So sweet and good.” He looks into my eyes for a moment and then casts his gaze to the floor of his car. “And I’m…”
“I know what you do for a living, Vinnie. It’s not like I went into this blind.”
He doesn’t reply at first. Simply licks his full lips, looks out the windshield, and then back to me. “Tonight meant more to me than I can even find words to describe,” he says. “Thank you.”
I shake my head. “Thank you? I don’t think anyone’s ever thanked me for sex before.”
“I’m not thanking you for the sex, Raven, although it was fantastic.”
I smile. “It was.”
I expect him to continue, but when he doesn’t, I prompt him. “What exactly are you thanking me for then?”
He lets out a sigh and rakes his fingers through his hair. “I’m thanking you for being you. And for allowing me to escape, if only for an hour or two.”
His words clamp around my heart like a fist. “So that’s what you’re saying? That I was only an escape to you?”
“Fuck no!” He shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. You are so much more than escape. You are someone I could…”
“You could what?”
He takes a deep breath in and then sighs. “I can’t allow myself to go there. Not with what I have in front of me. But maybe someday, Raven. Maybe someday.”
“Vinnie, what exactly are you getting at?”
He looks at me then. Really looks at me with those dark eyes. I swear to God he has X-ray vision, and he’s seeing straight into my heart. “What I’m saying is this can’t happen again. As much as I want it—and I do want it, Raven—I’m not good for you. We both know that.”
I cross my arms. “Who are you to decide what’s good for me? Isn’t that my decision?”
“Of course it is. But it’s my decision as well. And I’m afraid it can’t go on.”
I scoff. “Whatever. If you’re intent on punishing yourself for some unknown crime by keeping yourself from something that you want, far be it from me to change your mind.” I unclick the door and begin walking to the house.
When I get to the door, I expect for Vinnie to be behind me. I expect a hug. A kiss. I expect something.
But the man who has been a consummate gentleman all night is still seated in his car.
He stays. His headlights light the lawn, and I realize he’s waiting for me to get inside safely.
He’s not coming back.
I push the key into the door and walk inside my parents’ house. I go to the kitchen, pour myself a large glass of water, go to my room, take my medication, go to the bathroom, and then lie down in my bed.
And I cry myself to sleep.
In the morning, I sleep in for a few hours. When I finally make my way to the bathroom to take a shower, I’m disgusted by the look on my face.
My eyes are puffy, and my nose is red from the crying I did last night over Vinnie Gallo.
Believe it or not, it’s been a while since I’ve cried.
When I was first diagnosed, I bawled my eyes out. So did Mom, and even Dad shed some tears. Hawk, Eagle, and Robin all cried as well.
And Falcon?
Well, he was in prison, so I don’t know if he cried. I couldn’t visit him to tell him the news. I had Hawk tell him.
And I never asked Hawk what my older brother’s reaction was.
I couldn’t take it.
I cried my eyes out that first night. Then I realized that crying wasn’t going to help me. The only thing that would help me was me. I had to get into a fighting mindset, and my God, there were times I wanted to throw in the towel. Times I wanted to slit my wrists just to be done with the pain.
But I didn’t.