Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 140742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
His face falls. “But…”
I level him with a look. “If you apologize, I’m out.”
“Fine.” He sighs.
If he does, I’m done with the conversation. I may not have been in love with him, but I don’t want to think or talk about the fact that he cheated on me with the one person in the universe I would actually fight. I follow him to the couches and sit across from him with the roses on my lap. I touch the petals and stare at them while I wait for him to speak.
“I know this is going to sound like bullshit, but I was drugged that night,” he says.
My head snaps up. His cheeks are pink, and he looks like he’s holding his breath as I stare at him. I don’t know if it’s because he’s embarrassed or lying, but I can’t imagine he’d make something like this up. Not Tate, who has a superiority complex. Besides, he may be a lot of things, but he knows how personal this topic is for me, so I don’t think he’d lie about it.
“By whom?”
“I don’t know.” He swallows and looks away before looking at me again.
“Do you remember…” I clear my throat and push my shoulders back. “Do you remember kissing her?”
He lowers his head, sighing heavily as he rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.
“So you do remember,” I say, jaw clenching.
“I remember her flirting with me, but that’s it.” He straightens again.
“It wasn’t the only time you cheated on me,” I say quietly as I search his face.
He swallows hard and looks at the floor. “No.”
I fight the wave of discomfort that accompanies his admission. I’m not sure why hearing it feels like such a blow. I knew he’d cheated, didn’t I? When we were together and he’d go to lunch with that paralegal, Amber, I just knew. One thing is having a feeling, or thinking you know something, and another is actually having confirmation.
“If you didn’t want me, why would you stay?” I ask quietly.
“I did want you.” He glances up quickly. “It had nothing to do with that.”
“Then what?”
“You didn’t want me, Joss,” he says and has the gall to look upset. “You didn’t prioritize me.”
“Oh, do not turn this around on me,” I snap, glaring at him. “And to think I thought of you as the ‘safe bet.’”
“Maybe that was the problem,” he says angrily. “That’s how you treated me. You were never really into me.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“You never even told me you loved me!” he shouts, then lowers his voice.
“That’s your excuse?” I ask, bewildered, and laugh harshly. “Your stupid choices aren’t going to make me question my worth, so you’re trying to gaslight the wrong fucking person.” My eyes narrow. “And I did love you.”
His expression crumples. He may not have made me feel the things that I feel when I'm around … I stop the dangerous thought before it blossoms. My mom always told me butterflies were overrated. She said love manifested in many ways. Sometimes your heart doesn’t gallop when you’re with the person you’re supposed to be with. Comfort, safety, and friendship should override the butterflies that will one day die anyway.
It was how she felt with Titus, and she was genuinely over the moon happy with him. So, maybe I wasn’t butterflies in my stomach in love with Tate, but I did love him, and I had enough respect for him to never have done what he did.
“Josie…” He flinches and looks away.
“Don’t fucking call me that,” I say through clenched teeth.
He never called me that, because he damn well knows only my parents are allowed to.
“I don’t know why I did that.” He exhales. “Look. What I did was wrong, and I’m sor—”
“Don’t.” I glare at him. “Even if the video hadn’t gone viral, what you did was disrespectful. The least you can do is be a man and own up to it. Even your apology is for you because you want me to absolve you. What did you come here for? Let’s get it over with so you can get out.”
His eyes widen. Of course, he’s surprised. The only time I’ve ever yelled at him was on the phone after I saw the videos. I didn’t let him get a word in, so he apologized over mine. I’d been the perfect partner for him, always catering to him, because that’s what I saw my grandmother and mother do. I’d settled because that’s what they did.
But I’m not them. It took all of this for me to realize it. I wasn’t put on this earth to serve anyone. I love helping people and making them smile, but I can’t live my life walking on eggshells to make that happen. I won’t. And I want the butterflies. Even if they fade over time, I deserve to experience it.