Who’s Your Daddy Read Online Lauren Rowe

Categories Genre: Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 111732 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 559(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
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“I do. My mother is like that. That’s why my brother and I are both so fiercely loyal to her. We’d do anything for her, and vice versa.” I watch a colleague of mine walking across the parking lot for a moment before saying, “For what it’s worth, I did manage to tell him my beloved fiancée had already told me the truth about her history with him, so at least he thinks our fake relationship is kick-ass and unbreakable.”

“Good. Fuck him. Let him think you’re my knight in shining armor.” She sighs. “So, how’d the call end?”

“He blackmailed me, basically. He said, ‘As long as you and your fiancée both keep your mouths shut, then I’ll keep mine shut, too.’”

“He’s blackmailing us with a fucking lie?” Marnie shouts at top volume.

“That was the implication.”

“How, though? Who would he tell?”

“My boss, I guess. They’re not good friends, but they do know each other. Or maybe he was thinking he’d spread his lies about you online. I don’t know what he meant, exactly. All I know is he made it clear he’ll do and say anything to keep us from going to Ashley and blowing up his third marriage.”

“Why does he even care? If she finds out, wouldn’t he simply move on to wife number four?”

“This one negotiated herself a pretty favorable prenup, apparently. He was convinced he’d turned over a new leaf this time. That, finally, he’d found The One.”

Marnie is silent for a very long time—so long, in fact, when she finally speaks again, I was just about to say, “Well, I guess I’d better get into the office now.” Marnie says, “Is this dude ranch family camp week in Wyoming really as spectacular for kids as you described it to me, or were you exaggerating to get me to say yes to your cockamamie plan?”

My heart jolts. Is Marnie actually considering doing this batshit crazy thing for me?

“I told you exactly what my colleague who went last year told me. She could have been exaggerating, but I didn’t exaggerate anything she told me.”

“There are pony rides and a country fair with rides and a creek where Ripley can mine for gold?”

My heart is thrumming in my ears. “From what I’ve been told, yes. Shelby said it was a hundred times better than Disneyland, not only for the kids but for the adults, too. She said it was magical. That’s the exact word she used.” I clamp my lips together and await Marnie’s reply, feeling like I’m going to pass out with anticipation—like I’m holding a lottery ticket with five correct numbers, awaiting the announcement of the sixth.

Marnie exhales. “Okay, fuck it. Let’s do it. Let’s go to family camp and pretend we’re engaged and deeply in love. We’ll show your dad his threats not only haven’t split us apart, they’ve made us stronger than ever.”

“Oh my God, Marnie. Seriously? Thank—”

“But only if certain non-negotiable conditions are met.”

My heart is beating in my throat now. “Whatever your conditions, my answer to all of them is yes.”

“Not so fast. They’re all hard lines in the sand, Max. You can’t say yes now, and then not honor them when it counts.”

“Marnie, I’m all-in. Whatever you want, I promise I’ll deliver without fail.”

She clears her throat. “For one thing, we’re not going to use language in front of Ripley that makes her think we’re actually a couple. Whenever we’re in her presence, you’re Gigi’s son, and that’s the reason we know you, and the reason we came to camp. That makes no sense, of course, but Ripley won’t realize that.”

“Done.”

“You won’t make any promises to Ripley, implied or explicitly, you don’t fully intend to keep. Not even in front of important people in order to perpetuate the lie. Always choose your words carefully in her presence.”

“I promise.”

“She’s already head over heels in love with you, Max. Don’t break my baby’s heart.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Also, no mentioning your father to me, ever again. Not even in jest or to twist the knife about all the stupid mistakes I’ve made.”

“He doesn’t exist.”

“I’m glad we’re at a place where he’s become our common enemy, but I feel physically ill even thinking about him. Please, I beg you, don’t tease me about him or otherwise torture me with—”

“I won’t, Marnie. He’s dead to me. What’s done is done. The past is over.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate that.” She takes a deep breath. “Our accommodations at family camp. We’ll need a two bedroom, so Ripley and I can sleep in one room together, while you’re in the other.”

“I think each family gets their own little cabin.”

“Actually, we’ll need a cabin that’s big enough for my father to come, too, and have his own bedroom. Gigi, too, if she can swing it. I liked your idea from before about having more people around Ripley. The more people Ripley is able to hang out with that week, the less attached she’ll get to you. Plus, I’m sure we’ll need a babysitter, now and again, so we can schmooze and all that; and my father is the only babysitter I trust with Ripley. Well, your mother now, too.”


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