Total pages in book: 199
Estimated words: 200280 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1001(@200wpm)___ 801(@250wpm)___ 668(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 200280 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1001(@200wpm)___ 801(@250wpm)___ 668(@300wpm)
“I don’t —”
“Besides me.”
I blink silently. Then, “You.”
“Yeah.”
I open my mouth to respond but then close it. I do this for a couple of times before I ask, “Are you saying that you don’t want there to be someone special in her life?”
“No,” he explains with a deep frown. “I’m saying that there’s no need for someone special in her life when she’s already got me.”
I look at him then.
At his angry frown. The stubborn jut of his chin. His arrogant brows.
Yup, he’s crazy.
And yeah, I think it’s adorable.
“That’s very,” I search for a word that won’t offend him, “sweet.”
Although I don’t think I was successful because his frown only grows.
I keep going though, “But Ledger, I think you need to prepare yourself for the eventuality that she’s going to have someone else in her life —”
“I don’t need to prepare for anything.”
I press my lips together to stop the burst of laughter. “I mean, of course you’re going to be her first love but —”
“And her last. There’s no but.”
Okay, he’s making it real hard for me to keep my laughter at bay. But somehow I manage to stay sober. “But there’s going to come a time when she’ll find someone,” he opens his mouth but I speak over him, “who’ll, I don’t know, take her to prom or the homecoming dance. Or like, on dates or —”
“I’ll take her to prom and homecoming.”
“I —”
“They’re extremely overrated, by the way, but yeah, if she wants to go, I’ll take her. And she doesn’t need an asshole boy to take her out on dates. I’ll do that too. In fact, I’ll teach her how every guy she’ll ever meet is never going to be good enough for her and so she’d better stay away from all of them.” Then, “Oh, or a girl. No girl is good enough for her either. But it doesn’t matter because as I said, she already has someone special in her life.”
“You, you mean?”
“Yes.”
“You sound completely insane, you know that, right?”
“Better than being a loser dad who lets his baby girl go out on dates with douchebags.”
I go speechless after that.
Only able to study his damp hair, his wet eyelashes, the droplets all over his flushed, bronzed skin.
Dad.
He’s going to be a dad.
Isn’t he?
I don’t know why it’s hitting me like this. Or more than that, the fact that if he’s going to be a daddy, then I’m going to be a mommy. Which is equally if not more life-changing, but…
All I can think about right now is that he already is more of a daddy to our little girl who may or may not be there yet than our fathers ever were to us. His abandoned him and his siblings the moment he could, and mine, while present all my life, is more of an evil presence.
How could I have ever thought of keeping her from him?
Keeping his family away from him.
“I want to stay here,” I blurt out with no finesse whatsoever.
His arms around me flex. “What?”
I know it’s a shock to him.
It’s a shock to me too. Before I said the words out loud, I didn’t know that I was going to say them. I didn’t know how badly I want to stay here. At the place that gives him peace. Because apparently it gives me peace too. After months and months of living in fear and on the edge because of my father, I want something… calm and simple.
I want something that gives me joy. And being here with him — despite what happened today — has been the most joyous thing that’s happened to me since last year.
I know it is the same for him too.
This is his favorite place, his place of solitude, and I know something is going on with his brothers and soccer. Maybe if we stay here, I can figure it all out and help him. Like he’s helping me.
So fuck the ovulation window. Fuck reality.
Fuck everything for now.
And live in paradise.
“A-at the cabin.” His frown is back and I explain, “I don’t want to leave tomorrow. Like we’d planned, but…”
“But what?”
I turn toward him a little more. Because this is important. This is something that needs to be said and decided before we both say goodbye to real life for a while.
“You have to promise me that you won’t do what you did today. You have to promise me that you won’t get jealous.” I watch his jaw clench but I keep going, “I know you don’t like to hear this and it might piss you off. But Ledger, it’s the truth, okay? You can’t be jealous. You have no right to get jealous. He’s just a family friend. He’s —”
“A family friend.”
“Yes,” I tell him firmly. “There can never be anything between us. Not like that.”