Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“How’s work goin’?” I asked, sitting with him on the deck he’d built this summer. It was a cool autumn day, but at least it wasn’t raining.
To be honest, Uncle Brian’s house had been a piece of shit when I was younger, but he’d slowly been working on it over the years. It was real nice now, and all of it had been done by hand, like Jasper’s place.
Shit. It always went back to him.
“Work is work, I reckon. It’s a factory. Ain’t real excitin’.”
I laughed. “Nope, I guess not.”
“You’re lucky you got something you love. I don’t hate my job, but I don’t love it either. You do, and you got Jasper with you. I’m sure that makes it even better. I’ve never known people as close as the two of you.”
My chest tightened with his words, this pain that was always there, deep and achy, but sometimes it pulsed with renewed strength, sharp and damn near debilitating. “Yep.”
“Though you’ve been here more.”
“Yep,” I said again, wondering if this was something I could talk to him about, if there was any possible way Uncle Brian would understand. I’d never heard him be homophobic, but he kept his feelings about everything to himself so much that I guessed it could be there in hiding.
He was all I really had besides Jasper, and I was trying to focus on Jasper less, trying not to make him the center of my world, which left it feeling colder than it should. I was pretty sure Jasper noticed, but he didn’t call me on it, which meant he knew something was wrong and didn’t want to talk about it.
“You stayin’ for dinner?”
“Nah, I can’t. Need to head home and change. I’m going to Cloverhill to have dinner at Kendra’s.” We’d gotten pretty close the last few months. Being with her helped keep me away from Jasper, but I just plain liked her. She wasn’t him, though.
“Been spendin’ a lot of time with her lately too.”
“You’re awfully observant lately,” I teased, earning myself a chuckle from him.
He stopped long enough to take a drag of his cigarette. Uncle Brian was a strange smoker. He didn’t do it all the time. I figured he could quit if he wanted. Sometimes he just liked to smoke, so he did. “She special to you? Don’t think I ever saw your mama smile as big as she did when she looked at your dad. From then on, I knew he was the one for her.”
The nostalgia in his voice nearly choked me up, but also made me smile. I liked hearing snippets like that about my parents. Uncle Brian didn’t share like this often. I wondered how many stories he carried around in his head and if he ever wanted to let them out more than he did.
I said, “I wish I remembered more things like that. I mean, I remember them, of course, but less and less…or it feels further away, which makes sense.”
“It does,” he said without looking at me.
“Kendra’s a good woman. We have fun together, but…” But she wasn’t Jasper. I was in love with someone else, someone I could never have.
“But what?”
“Nothin’. I don’t know. Nah, it’s not serious. Just hangin’ out.” What would he say if I told him I was in love with Jasper? Maybe I’d lose the only family I had left. Maybe it wouldn’t matter a damn bit. It was shitty that I had to wonder at all.
“Yep, I hear ya.” And that was that. Somehow, I knew the heart-to-heart was over.
When I got home to shower, Jasper was out working in the yard. “You gonna come help?” he called out. I never would have told him no in the past. Even if I had other plans, I’d have canceled them.
“I can’t. I have plans,” I replied as he walked over.
“Oh.” For a moment he looked hurt, but then his expression changed and he shrugged. “Have fun.”
“You too.” It hurt to walk away. When I drove off, I saw Jasper looking my way.
“Oh my God! He really said that?” Kendra asked. We were sitting on her couch after dinner, and I was telling her a Jasper story. She had her legs curled up beneath her, and was wearing a skirt that rose up on her thighs. She was curvy in all the right places, maybe slightly round to some, but just how I liked women. She was sexy and beautiful and smart—smarter than me, but she never made me feel stupid. She’d gone to college, was a therapist, and kindness just oozed out of her pores.
I could fall for her, knew I could if I gave myself the chance. Maybe I could have what Uncle Brian was talking about earlier when he said how crazy my parents were about each other, but there was a block there I had yet to knock down. One that wouldn’t let me entertain a future with her. Not yet.