Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 81279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Rowan freezes, watching me with a blank expression. “They were killed?”
Until now, I spoke about my past in vague terms. I told him they weren’t there anymore, that they passed away, but it’s time to be real. After all, he’s confided in me already, and while I’m happy to be his well of sorrows, sometimes the void should speak back.
I shrug. “My uncle had enemies, and they went after his brother and his wife, to scare him, I suppose. I was the one to find them later. It was… I don’t remember much of that night, to be honest. But he came for me, and I moved in with him the very next day.
“I told you I was a lookout for him. Well, the first time I did that was when he went to avenge my parents. I was shaken, followed him where I shouldn’t, and saw too much. But while I panicked when I saw the bodies he mutilated, I didn’t feel sorry for them when my uncle told me it was their fault my parents were dead. And then, a few years later, when someone got him, I was the one to chase down the killer. It didn’t bring him back, but yeah, it fucking felt good.” I clench my teeth, looking into the fire as Rowan’s gentle fingers stroke my neck.
“Is that why you decided to take on these revenge jobs?
I nod and kiss his forehead, gradually relaxing, because those questions are an attempt to understand me better. “And I’m careful. I don’t get involved with gangs. At the end of the day, I just want to live my life with someone who gets me,” I add, meeting Rowan’s gaze.
He licks his lips. “I… I used to bake with my grandma. Just for Christmas. I mean, she did the baking, but we decorated as a family. I think I got so upset last night because it felt like scratching at an open wound. But, maybe instead of denying myself all the nice things that remind me of family, I should embrace their memory. Who will carry on the tradition, if not me? And… if you feel the same, could we try again tonight? But you’d have to accept my family’s tradition of eating them as soon as we want to.” The way he smiles, all shy, makes me squeeze him, and I rub my face into his hair as the peace of the cabin settles on us.
So maybe we’d both have liked to go after our next mark today, but I still have ten days until the deadline, so I might as well enjoy his company and let him know me better. “We can always make another batch.”
“Do you want to take advantage of the sunshine first? Do target practice, or even some tracking in the woods? I want to learn, so I’m not useless when you need me.”
His excitement brings a smile to my face, and yes, my heart does feel lighter now that I’ve shared my pain with him. But I want to lift him up too, so I lean in for a chaste kiss and stroke his back.
“You will learn. If you think I was the perfect killing machine from the start, I need to stop you right there. One time, I slipped on blood and got a concussion. My uncle wouldn’t speak to me for two days,” I say with a chuckle and get up, sliding him off my lap.
He’s right. We might as well make the best of this day while it’s so nice and sunny.
In the morning, I feared our whole relationship was irrevocably broken, but now he smiles at me, and I vow to myself I will do what he’s asked me to. Take care of him. Always.
He laughs, rushing to put on all the layers needed for going outside in this weather.
“Nooo! I don’t believe it. You? Failing at something?”
“I think you already know how imperfect I am,” I tell him as I wrap a warm scarf around my neck and follow him outside. The sunlight is blinding, but when I take a deep breath of cold air, my heart feels light.
“In being a boyfriend, sure. I just didn’t expect to hear about your blunder at work. You seem so… proficient.” There’s a pinch of admiration in that word that makes me feel taller.
“Here’s another one, though I do admit that was years ago. I baked a batch of muffins, injected poison in one, then ate it by accident. I wasn’t even hungry, it was just mindless eating. I spent an hour making sure I threw up every last bit and then ate a whole blister of activated charcoal.”
“Should I worry about what you feed me?” Rowan snort-laughs, staring at me, and I’m realizing that it’s nice for him to know the imperfect me too.