Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Of course, I find her doing just that. Lying across the middle of two of the three graves those people laid flowers on and crying softly. Since she only has a few minutes before the manager will no doubt be out here to make sure she’s gone, I sit next to her and say, “You need to say goodbye.”
“I can’t,” she says, “it’s too hard.”
“Just for the night, Sadie,” I remind her. “You can come back tomorrow.”
She nods, then sits up, wiping her tears.
Since this is the first time I’ve ever sat over here, I take a moment to read the headstones, noticing that all three have the same last name—the same last name as her.
Jesus, fuck. All of these are her family?
As if she can sense my question, without tearing her eyes away from the graves, she says, “In one day, I lost my entire world.”
CHAPTER FOUR
SADIE
Five Weeks Earlier
“Mommy, can we get lots of fireworks for the Fourth of July?” Collin, my four-year-old son, asks, jumping up and down as I push the shopping cart down the grocery store aisle. His dark red hair, identical to mine, flops across his forehead, in need of a cut. I make a mental note to call to schedule an appointment.
“Of course,” I tell him, pushing the strands out of his eyes. “But I’m going to let your daddy handle that.”
Collin frowns. “Daddy’s at work. Can’t we get them now? What if they sell them all, and then there’s nothing left?”
“He’ll be off all weekend, and I promise they won’t sell out.” I reach on the top shelf for the pasta Collin loves as a sharp pain radiates through me, making me clutch my belly and take a deep breath. I’m twenty-six weeks pregnant, but I’ve been having annoying pains during the entire pregnancy. The doctor says they’re growing pains, and when I mentioned I didn’t get them with Collin, she pointed out that every pregnancy is different.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Collin asks, his features etched with concern.
“Yes, sweetie. I’m okay,” I tell him, leaning over and kissing the top of his head. “What do you say we check out, and when we get home, I’ll make some sandwiches to bring to Daddy’s work? I bet we can convince him to leave early and go buy all the fireworks.”
I wink playfully, and Collin’s face lights up in excitement. “Yes!”
Once the groceries are brought in and put away, I go about making the sandwiches, with Collin’s help, then text Vincent to make sure he’s at work.
Vincent: I’m here and hungry. Can’t wait to see you guys. Thanks, baby. Love you.
Since we found out I’m pregnant, he’s been trying so hard to stay on the right track. Unfortunately, because of his track record, I’m reluctant to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I will say it’s been close to four months since, according to him, he’s touched a single pill. And he goes to his NA meetings several times a week. It’s going to take longer than that to prove he’s serious about staying clean, but I hope, for our family’s sake, he does.
Me: Love you too. See you soon.
Because we live just outside of the city in the suburbs, it’s too far to walk to the train station, and the investment firm Vincent’s family owns is in the city, so we drive when we have to go into the city. It’s annoying, with all the ridiculous traffic, but I try not to go as often as possible, preferring to spend my time in the quietness of the ’burbs.
An aching pressure pushes down on my bladder, and I hand the basket to Collin, telling him to put it in the car while I go pee. Only when I wipe myself and find a good amount of blood on the toilet paper, I know we won’t be going to see Vincent today. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that the baby is okay, but deep down, I know it’s not.
Grabbing a pad, I line my underwear and then call my doctor, who tells me to go straight to the hospital. Next, I call Janice, my mother-in-law. “Something’s wrong,” I tell her. “I’m going to go to the hospital, but I don’t want to take Collin.”
“I’ll be right there.”
After hanging up, I call Vincent, who tells me he’ll meet me there. It’s not ideal for me to drive, but it would take too long for him to drive home, only to drive back out to the city where my doctor is located.
Less than an hour later, we find out our baby, our precious little girl has no heartbeat, and because I’m so far along, I have to give birth. It’s the worst night of my life, and by the time we’re leaving the hospital, we’re both so filled with grief that neither of us says a word to each other. Usually, when you go to the hospital and give birth, you come home with a baby, but when we arrive, we’re empty-handed. And because of how far along I was, decisions need to be made. Do we cremate or bury her?