Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Collin is asleep in his bed when we arrive at the house, so I tiptoe in and place a soft kiss on his temple. “I love you, baby boy,” I murmur, the pain in my heart healing a tiny bit at the sight of my sweet boy.
He stirs and mutters, “I love you too,” but he’s too deep in his sleep to actually wake up. He was looking forward to having a little sister, and I dread having to tell him that we lost her before we even got her.
After thanking Janice for watching Collin, and her insisting on spending the night, I excuse myself, so I can privately mourn for the baby I’ve lost. As I pass Vincent’s home office, I stop in the doorway.
“It’s late. Come to bed, please.” I could really use him right now. Holding me and telling me everything will be okay.
He glances up at me, his eyes bloodshot. “In a little bit. I need… a moment.”
“Vince…”
“Sadie, just give me a few minutes.”
I nod, praying our loss doesn’t send him spiraling back down, and retreat to our room. I don’t know how long I’m asleep, but when I wake up, I’m a bit disoriented. The first thing I notice is that light is shining in through the slats of the blinds, so it must be morning. Then I notice my mother-in-law is sitting on the edge of the bed, crying.
I assume it’s because of the baby we’ve lost until she says, “I’m so sorry. I never should’ve left.”
“Left to go where?” I ask, sitting up and wiping the sleep from my eyes.
“Oh, God,” she sobs. “I’m so, so sorry. I can’t believe this happened. I’ll never forgive myself.”
“What’s going on?” I ask, my heart picking up speed in my chest. Like a mother’s intuition, I can feel deep in my gut that something is wrong, very wrong.
“I left to take Henry some papers,” she cries out. “I told Vincent I would be back soon. I don’t know why he left… but he did… They’re gone, Sadie. They’re both gone.”
“Where did they go?” I ask, somehow already knowing the answer but refusing to understand. “Where did they go?” I scream, jumping out of bed and ignoring the pain from giving birth only hours ago.
“I don’t know,” she says, shaking her head. “We don’t know anything except that they’re both gone. The police and the hospital tried to call you, and when you didn’t pick up, they called me. I’m so sorry, Sadie. They were in a car accident and brought to the hospital. The doctors did all they could, but they didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.” She sobs. “They’re both gone.”
Present Day
“You lost your unborn baby, your son, and your husband on the same day?” Gage says slowly.
“Well, technically not all in the same day, but within twelve hours of each other, yeah.” My eyes go to the three graves: my husband, my son, and my baby girl. “He swore he wasn’t taking any more pills, but he lied. The autopsy report showed traces of them in his system. He knew better than to drive our son anywhere, but he wasn’t thinking. We were both grieving. I’m not making excuses for him, but I’d like to believe that he wouldn’t have left with our son if he was thinking clearly. They found breakfast and two coffees in the car. He must’ve taken Collin to get us all breakfast and thought he would be okay,” I choke out. “According to the street cam, he ran a red light and hit another vehicle. It was a large truck, and the guy survived, but Vincent and”—emotion fills my throat, making it hard to speak—“Collin died on impact.”
Gage pulls me tighter into his arms, and I cry into his chest. I don’t know anything about this man aside from the fact that he seems to care about me enough to keep saving me, but I don’t have it in me to care that I’m leaning on a total stranger.
“Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t alive,” I admit out loud for the first time. “My heart aches so badly, and I wish I could just turn it all off.”
Gage’s hold on me tightens. “I know exactly how you feel.”
After I cry for a little while longer, Gage carries me to the SUV he drove here and takes me back to his place. He forces me to eat and then shower, and when I get out, I find him sitting on the balcony smoking a joint.
“Mind if I join you?” I ask, stepping outside.
He answers by taking a hit and then stretching out his hand in proffer. Because I have nothing left to lose, I accept it and take a hit, allowing the weed to calm my body. After several hits, my body is numb, and I can’t feel anything. I know this is a dangerous game I’m playing. I watched Vincent suffer with addiction, but I just don’t have it in me to give a shit. I’ve lost everyone I love, leaving me with nothing and no one to live for. For just a little while, maybe it’s okay to allow myself to be numb, to turn it all off temporarily. It sure as hell beats the constant pain I feel.