Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
He has this way of looking at me that makes me feel like I’m the only thing in his world. It’s been so intense at times that look, that I’ve lost my breath a time or two under his intense stare. He can say so much with just his eyes.
I’ve fed off of that look alone in the past. On long lonely nights when I felt like I’d go mad for the want of him. All it takes is the memory of that look of need and my heart takes flight and whatever worries I have seem to fade away, at least for that moment in time. How amazing would it be to feel that stare for the rest of my days?
To be loved the way his eyes promise. As often as I’ve imagined it, not once did I ever truly believe that I’d be here like this though. There was just too much standing in our way, too many obstacles that I had no hope of overcoming, until now.
But now here we are in this surreal moment. One that I want to grab onto with both hands and never let go of if only I could. He’d had no reason to wait for me, no reason to come to my rescue. Who could’ve foreseen that life would take this turn? That I’d one day be free? What is it that he’d said? No matter what he has I come first?
What did he mean by those words? Could he possibly mean what I think he did? And why does those words make me want to forget everything else and just hold onto him? I held onto that sweet thought as a secret smile crossed my lips.
What would it feel like to be loved like that? To be someone else’s everything. The promise in his eyes offered so much that it was hard not to want to reach out and take. Just give myself over to what we’ve both wanted from the moment we first met. But I reminded myself that that was easier said than done.
I felt the tear in my heart grow wider as our reality knocked at the edges of my mind. Hopeless, no matter that Vance was gone and I was no longer his wife, there was still too much standing in our way even now. Especially… no, better not go there. It’s best if I never think about that ever again.
Why couldn’t I have met him first? How different life would be. Why had fate dealt me such a hand? Why had I been chosen to suffer this way? Me, who had always gone out of my way to do the right thing. I shivered as the thought of why we could never be together intruded.
My whole body went cold despite the warmth of the water and I felt sick to my stomach at the injustice of my situation. Why can’t I be brave enough, strong enough to stand and fight? Why have the fear that I’ve lived with these past few years only grown stronger with time?
I felt the warmth of tears on my cheeks as I fought the bitter taste of fear and defeat. Then panic set in when I realized that they will be looking for me, that there was no way for me to escape, at least not for a while yet and maybe not ever.
Now the thoughts came fast one after the other and none of them good. What was I thinking? How could I let him bring me here? Getting him in the middle of the ugliness I’ve been living with for the better part of my marriage. He’s even more high profile than the senator, which means someone will know that he’d shown up at the station before long.
Oh no! My stomach dropped as a new fear set in. Should I warn him? But what should I say? My face burned with shame and I sunk lower into the cooling water, covering myself as if unseen eyes were somewhere watching.
A part of me wants so badly to forget everything and just stay here with him. Hidden away from the rest of the world. To have at least a few days with him where we can both explore the feelings that had begun two years ago. But I’m afraid fate wouldn’t be so kind. It hasn’t been in a long time.
No, I can’t stay, we can never have what we’ve both wanted for so long. Because I can’t tell him the truth, there’s no way. I’d die of shame if he ever learns the truth about my marriage.
If he of all people, should come to know just how weak and stupid I’ve been. What’s more than that and even more troubling is that I know there’s no way the senator would ever leave me in peace.