Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I held my breath and fought back the nausea that rose up in my chest as those tears fell even more freely now. I wanted to scream, could feel one building in me, dying to get out. But I’m afraid I’d been holding this scream in for so long that if I start I may never stop.
Even now, here, with the man I love just a few feet away, I’m haunted by the choices I’ve made. How can I ask him to share the burden of my mistakes? I love him too much to drag him into the middle of my chaos.
Knowing what I know now about the family I’d married into, how can I willingly get him involved? What if he gets hurt? I know better than most just what lengths the senator would go to, to get what he wants.
Wouldn’t it be selfish of me to just blindly reach out and take what I want from Gavin knowing that the result might lead to disaster? That his association with me might get him hurt in the end? No way, I must protect him at all cost.
I pondered the question of what to do as my mind stayed in turmoil until only one thought remained. Why can’t I take tonight for myself? Just one night before my life goes back to the way it was. Would he think less of me if I gave in to what his eyes are asking for so soon after my husband’s untimely death?
What a mess. What an utter and complete mess. Even dead Vance is still a nuisance. I refuse to feel guilt over my lack of any real feelings towards his demise. I’d shed more than enough tears over his worthless hide as it is. I have no more left.
If anything I feel only anger, anger that I never got to repay him for what he’d done to my life. Anger, that he’d taken the easy way out and left me holding the bag as usual. Then again I can’t really put all the blame on him for that last one.
I should probably feel some kind of guilt; he was human after all. But though I can be the most forgiving person, I don’t have it in me this time. He’d crossed too many lines for me to relent that easily.
His betrayal is something I’ll never get over as long as I live. And now the fact that I may never be able to have the man I truly love because of him again, only makes me hate him even more. Him and his father the senator. The man who’s used his power these last few years to torment me.
So much for turning off my thoughts. Just one more reminder that I can never escape, never outrun my past and the monster who’s after me.
Gavin
I looked unseeingly out the window with the snifter of liquor warming in my hands as my mind replayed the last few hours. I know that I’m wound too tight, could feel the tension in my limbs and in my gut.
My mind keeps hopping from one place to the next without landing on any one point until I’m making myself nuts. I feel just a little bit out of my depth which is a new look for me. I’m not usually this indecisive and never have been where she’s concerned.
But things are different now. Knowing that she’d witnessed that awful shit, had even had his blood splattered all over her, I have no idea if I should call in someone to take a look at her. Is that something she needs? Or is being here with me enough?
Even more pressing at the moment is the hard-on I’ve had since seeing her for the first time tonight. It didn’t seem in any hurry to go away and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it under control, but maybe I need to for her sake. I don’t want to start this shit off as the selfish boyfriend slash husband to be. Fuck!
It’s the first time we’ve been in such close proximity with no barriers between us, nothing to hold us back from being with each other, except maybe her state of mind.
I can’t put into words, not even to myself how it feels having her here in my home where I’d imagined her a thousand times. I’ve always known that I wanted her, that I’d fallen in love with her at first sight. That I’ll never feel the same about anyone else.
But never in a million years did I expect that someone as hard as I am would feel the things I’m feeling at this very moment. I guess it’s true what they say. Love makes you soft and that goes for even the best of us.
I was having a hard time reminding myself that she’d had a rough day; that I needed to be patient a little while longer, as I stared out the window waiting for her to finish her bath. But just imagining her in there soaking in the tub, naked, was enough to keep my cock throbbing.