Total pages in book: 164
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Now, there’s no such distraction. And with Dad gone and only a bare-bones crew keeping an eye on the compound this week, there isn’t much standing in our way. We could have the whole house to ourselves.
If. If I didn’t blow it. If he still wants me.
This is stupid. I’m going to freeze half to death, standing here questioning myself. I back away toward the house, still under the effect of his gaze. Even from a distance, those eyes of his have the power to chip away at my resolve. They make my heart race and turn my blood to lava. Oh, God, please. Please, let him still love me.
When he steps off the porch and starts coming my way, hands thrust deep into his pockets, a rush of relief fights with a rush of fear. See, as much as I hate our stalemate, at least there’s hope. I hope he doesn’t think I’m too much trouble. I can only hope he’ll come up with some way to show me he’s serious about us. That he wants to make up for leaving me hanging, humiliated and alone, when I needed him more than anything. I can tell myself he only needs time, as Bianca said.
What if that’s just not true? What if he’s had time to think things over and realizes he was an idiot for ever wanting me?
I don’t know what to do. I’m shaking like a leaf, and suddenly, this big house feels very small. There’s nowhere I could hide where he won’t find me. Imagine trying to hide from him. I am completely losing my grip.
The only place I can think to go is my room, where the boxes that started to line the walls have been moved into the room next door. Everything is almost cleared in here — the shelves are empty, just like the top of my dresser and my nightstand. There’s only the bare minimum left behind in the closet and the drawers. It’s really happening. I’m really leaving for good.
Now, I wish I hadn’t chosen this room since the absence of so much of what makes this space mine is gone. It’s stupid, but I feel exposed. Vulnerable.
The sound of his footsteps coming down the hall makes my stomach lurch, but I force myself to stand tall at the foot of my bed. Whatever he has to say now that we’re alone, I can handle it. I can handle anything because I’ve had to. And even if he doesn’t love me anymore… the idea almost kills me, but I’ll face it if I have to. If the past six months have taught me anything, it’s what I can face and still remain standing in the end.
My knees almost give out when he appears, wearing a dark gray sweater that makes his eyes pop like a pair of burning sapphires. Bianca gave it to him yesterday as a Christmas gift when he didn’t give her a hint of anything he might like. It’s sort of sweet that he’s wearing it now.
“Wow.” His gaze brushes over the room. “You made some serious progress in here.”
Sure. This is a completely normal thing to talk about. No other topics we need to cover at all. “The clock is ticking. I have to be ready.”
“Do you think you are?”
“To be on my own? Definitely.” Curiosity will eat me alive if I don’t voice the doubt ringing in my head. “I mean, you’ll be with me. Right?”
“Unless you know something I don’t, yes. That’s still on.”
Because it’s your job. I’m smart enough to keep my mouth shut this time. I can’t make the same mistakes anymore.
“Speaking of which.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope. “I never did give you your Christmas present yesterday.”
“You didn’t have to –”
“Yes, I did. Take it.”
Now I kind of feel like a tool since I didn’t get him anything. I figured it was the sort of thing we could always work out later, a belated gift. The way things have been since last week, it would’ve felt silly to hand him a gift yesterday. We’ve barely exchanged more than a few words at a time. And I was so sure he hated me now.
I’m still not wholly convinced he doesn’t, since his expression is stony as I accept the mystery gift.
“What is this?”
“Open it and see.”
I turn the envelope over in my hand. It’s simple, plain, unmarked. There’s no clue what could be inside. “For fuck’s sake,” he grumbles. “What, you think I would hurt you? With an envelope, of all things?”
“I’m wary.”
“Obviously. When are you going to learn I’m not the enemy?”
When you stop acting like it. Now’s not the time for that – I’m tired of fighting, anyway. The truth is, I’ve missed him so much I could cry just having him in front of me like this. How is it possible to miss someone you see all the time? It took roughly three seconds after he left my room for me to regret sending him away, but pride wouldn’t let me chase him.