Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 164459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 822(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 822(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
“It was either go to church every Sunday, or pack my stuff and find somewhere else to stay. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I didn’t see much of a choice.”
I blink, but don’t speak. Instead, I look away, studying my surroundings.
Through the corner of my eye, I see her lean forward. I turn my head, partially looking at her.
“Jennifer,” Mom murmurs. “This was a good thing, don’t you see? I went to church with Ned every Sunday. At first I just attended and listened, but after a few months he let me attend Sunday school too. I gathered an annulment which took about eight months to settle, and then, not too long ago, I was baptized. I was cleansed of my sins. Of my hunger for the money that I know I didn’t even need. During my time at the church, I kept realizing more and more how selfish I had been. With your father. With Mitchell. With you. It was a devastating realization.”
My eyes shift up to hers when she says Mitchell’s name.
“I wanted you to come back to Fox River to see for yourself that I am changing. I know I’m not completely there yet, but I am trying and Ned says that is enough. I went to confession and told him I want to do better for myself and to free myself of my past and all I’ve done wrong. I wanted to get rid of my pride and greed. He told me the only way I could do that was if I righted my wrongs. Not only with your father, but you. Mainly you. My only daughter. The only child I have left.”
Two thick tears fall down her cheeks as she forms a smile.
My eyes burn as I watch her. It isn’t spite that I’m seeing here. It isn’t stubbornness or selfishness. It’s simply remorse.
I don’t want forgive her. I want to show no sympathy, but in the depths of her eyes I see how lonely she is. I see how much she regrets the choices she’s made.
And to know she has lost everything…well, I feel terrible for her. I really do.
Mom stands and walks to my side. She grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. More tears have fled and my eyes are now cloudy, full of emotion that I don’t want to feel.
“I have an opportunity to start my life over and live it the way I should. Though I’ve begun the process of becoming a Catholic sister, I don’t want to lose out on a connection with my daughter. My family. I realize how much I failed you. I was the worst woman on the planet and I don’t even know why. It’s just…” She chokes up a bit, focusing on her lap.
“Your father and I grew up with Kord. We spent a lot of time together. He was there for us no matter what. I didn’t want to believe any of it. I was in denial trying to protect myself and the Roscoe name.
“I should have just confronted it. Mitchell never told me, and since he didn’t speak, I took it as a sign to never bring it up—not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know how to. How do you confront that? Knowing that one of your closest friends was…molesting your son all this time. Using him. Using us. We knew Kord could get Mitch a scholarship to a good place. We knew that he could make Mitchell a star. That’s all I had my eyes on. I was so obsessed with the idea of it—blinded by it so much—that I didn’t even give in to my suspicions. I never witnessed it. Mitchell seemed so happy one day, and then the next he was gone.”
I yank my hand away, shooting to a stand. “That doesn’t justify anything! What happened tainted Mitchell’s mind. It ruined him and for that he committed one of the worst sins.”
She nods, and her tears are gushing now.
“How can you sit with that veil, claiming purity when you could have helped him? How can you even forgive yourself?”
“I haven’t!” she cries. “And I never will! Don’t you see that!?”
I rake my fingers through my hair, focusing on the wall across from me. “No. You know what? I—I should go.” I step around the chair, shoving it in before walking towards the hallway.
“Wait—Jenny, please!” Mom stands up and rushes after me. She catches my elbow and twirls me around.
“Mom… just stop!”
“I want to do better by you. I don’t want you to live your life hating me. I don’t want you to think of me as some kind of demon woman.” My wet eyelashes cling together as she strokes my cheek. “Even if I didn’t show it, I refused to let what happened to my son, happen to my daughter.” She swipes my tears away. I look down, away from her. “I miss when things were okay with you and I, but that night changed everything. I wanted you to do whatever it took to be better…and you did for a while. I know I have ruined you more than I have saved you though.” Her head moves side to side swiftly as she pulls her hands away.