Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 164459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 822(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 822(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
“Mitchell talked to you a lot. I know he told you something and you were probably just as afraid as he was to confess. I was so weak, though. I was blinded by greed and power and respect. I was a terrible mother that cared more for image than I did my children’s well-being. I did whatever I could to stay on top, but only because I wanted my kids to have a better life than I did growing up.” She’s sobbing now, and my face is hot, my throat thick with emotion.
“You may not think so, but your father was the best thing to happen to me when I met him. He made ways that not many would for me. When I lost your grandmother, I knew I was doing wrong. I knew I was being selfish. Because I didn’t go visit her at all… and she only lived twenty miles away from me. When I lost her, I caught sight of what I’d become. I was dumb, but I had it all… and then it was gone just as quickly as it came. Almost like it never even happened.”
“I just don’t understand,” I whimper. “If you knew, why didn’t you say anything? To Dad at least? To the cops…?”
“Because it would have ruined us, Jennifer. Mitchell’s future was riding on Kord. He had it in the palm of his hand. He was the one to make the decision to put him on the field or to kick him off.” She steps back. “God, I was so horrible. I used to tell myself not to worry too much because everything was going smoothly. That all the hugging and times Mitchell spent the night with him was so he could better himself as an athlete. I doubted and ignored every single sign. We were making progress as a family. Everything seemed great…but never did I think…” She looks up at me with her wet brown eyes. “I never thought he’d do that to himself. When I was finally ready to ask Mitchell about what was bothering me, it was already too late.”
Her eyes shut and she inhales before exhaling. Grabbing my face, she says, “I want you to forgive me. For all that I have done to you. All that you faced because of me. I want you to know that I only wanted the very best for you, even if I did show it in the worst ways possible.”
She hiccups a laugh and I can’t help but do the same. “I am still changing, but I want to build a sound foundation with you. I want you to come to me if you need to talk. I was a sinner. A selfish, vile woman, and to be honest, I don’t deserve you as a daughter. But because you are who you are—strong, sweet, kind, and positive—I know that you will. I know that even if you think I don’t deserve your presence, that you will still forgive me. You are so beautiful inside and out and you were so innocent before. I took that innocence away from Mitchell, but I tried so hard to protect yours.” She looks around the kitchen. “This needed to happen. I needed to realize my faults. I was so blinded by my desire for success for my family that I didn’t stop to think about how you all felt. It was all about me. Me. Me. Me. But now, it will be all about you. I don’t care if I don’t have two pennies to rub together. Anything I have is yours. I just need you to know that I am so sorry for everything.”
She breathes out raggedly, taking a few steps back. We are quiet for a few seconds. I hear a clock ticking on a nearby wall somewhere. It’s so silent in the living room that I’m questioning if Drake walked out when things got intense.
But, still, I focus on my mother.
Because she is right.
I am not hateful, and I vowed to never be like she was, no matter what she did.
After all I’ve been through, I agree that I am strong. I am strong because I made it through the storm. I am kind when I need to be, and though I’ve had my struggles with negativity, I remained as positive as possible, despite being used and abused.
Despite knowing my brother died at his own hand. Despite the fact that the love of my life up and ran away. I tried to be positive and look forward to something. At times it backfired on me, but look where I am now.
Standing in front of my mother, as she waits for my forgiveness.
It seems the earth has tilted on its axis, but if this is how things are, I don’t care if the earth doesn’t land straight again. If this is how things will be in my life from now on, I will take it and I will cherish it.