Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 121576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
My muscles tensed. I suddenly couldn’t breathe.
“No,” I rasped. I wanted to scream it. “Let me take him.”
“I called you two days ago.” Her voice vibrated. “I asked you to let me know if you were going to take him or not and you didn’t. I should’ve stopped you when you agreed to do it and said it wasn’t a big deal, because it is a big deal. To Oliver and to me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, come on.”
“How could you mean it, Nathan?” Her tone was incredulous. “You were literally saying it wasn’t a big deal…”
“I only said it like that because I wanted you to let me take him. Do you think I didn’t see what that meant to you? I knew you weren’t sure about it, and I wanted you to be sure, of me. I want to take him, Jenna. Let me take him.”
She thought for all of a second and shook her head. “It’s not a good idea.”
“Why?”
“I already told you why. You aren’t ready for this.”
“And I already told you—I am ready. I wouldn’t push this if I wasn’t. I would never purposely hurt those kids.”
When more tears streamed down Jenna’s face, I went to reach for her, but she held me back with her hand on my chest.
I grunted. “This is killing me. I want to hold you.”
“I wanted you to hold me yesterday. Where were you then?”
I pressed my lips together. Fair point. “Listen to me, okay?” I said. “I made a mistake, and I’m probably going to make more. Maybe a lot more. I’m not perfect, Jenna. And that family you want, the one I’m going to give you, it won’t be perfect either, but I swear to God, it’s going to be everything.”
Her breath caught and started hiccupping. “Nathan, please don’t make promises to me like that.”
I held her face with both hands, and she didn’t stop me that time.
“I love you and I love those kids, and I will fix this.” I stared deep into her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to see how much I need all three of you. You won’t question it again.” I wiped her tears away with my thumbs. She let me.
Progress.
“I can’t,” she whispered. “I’m still not sure.”
Slight setback. I could handle it.
“So I’ll get you there.”
“It might take me a while…or forever. I don’t know. You really hurt us, Nathan.” She pulled my hands away. “I think you should just go. I can’t talk about this any more tonight.”
“I need to say something to them. Can I come in first?”
“Um…I don’t know.”
“Jenna, I just want to apologize. That’s it. I won’t tell them I’m in love with you.” I paused when her head snapped up. “And I won’t tell them I love them, even though I really fucking love them. It’s a three-way tie with Marley at this point. Nobody’s in the lead. That could change though, once I see this list Olivia made…”
“Nathan.” Her eyes flared with panic.
“I won’t say any of that, just apologies. I promise.” I smiled at her.
She did not smile back.
Holy shit, I loved this woman.
“This isn’t funny,” she said, her tone sharp.
“I didn’t think it was.”
“You’re joking around though.”
“No, I’m not. I meant every word I just said to you.”
She blinked, not expecting to hear that. Then she pulled in a slow, deep breath through her nose. She was back to gripping the strap across her body. I was hoping that meant she wanted to hug me and was fighting against it.
“Okay,” she said. “You can apologize, but then you need to go.”
“Agreed.”
“And you need to make it clear that we aren’t together anymore.” I gave her a look. She gave it right back. “I’m serious. I don’t want them getting their hopes up.”
“Am I allowed to make it sound like I want us to be together?”
“No.”
Fuck. “Okay.” I scratched at my jaw, thinking. “What about alluding to the probability of us getting back together once I fix this…?”
“That would absolutely get their hopes up, Nathan. No.”
“Jenna, you know those kids. They’re going to ask what’s going on. I’ll be lucky if I can get an apology out before they fire a million questions at me. And I don’t want to make it sound like I’m no longer in their lives. That will fucking kill me to say and it’ll hurt them to hear it. You know it will. I’ll tell them we aren’t together right now if that’s what you want, but if Olivia asks me if I’m fixing this, I want to tell her I am. Same goes with Oliver—if he asks me if I’m still going on Friday, I want to tell him I’ll be there, that I would never fucking miss it. I’ll be honest with them, I swear, but my honesty has hope in us. I know we end up together.”