Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56786 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 284(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Royce frowned. “Don’t tell me you want a cold, loveless society marriage. You can’t want that.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Aksel said. “I’m not getting it.” He gulped his drink down, ignoring his brother’s gaze on his face.
“Look, I’m not saying I’ve always approved of your... relationship with Lucien,” Royce said, his voice careful. “You know I didn’t. I thought you were too pushy with him, too intense, but... But he’s old enough now mentally, less vulnerable, to make his own choice—”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Aksel cut him off, not wanting to listen to that. “He rejected me. For all the wrong reasons, but he rejected me. And I can’t keep pushing him.”
“What reasons?” Royce said.
Aksel hesitated. It wasn’t his place to tell his brother something that wasn’t his secret, something Lucien clearly found shameful and humiliating, no matter how much Aksel might disagree with him.
But he could use his brother’s counsel. Royce’s mate, being a male alpha, wasn’t able to give him children, either. In fact, thanks to his superior hearing, Aksel had overheard more than a few arguments between them on the subject.
“Does Haydn feel bad about your lack of children? You were fighting over it the other day.”
If Royce was confused by the sudden change of subject, he didn’t give it away. He grimaced slightly. “He does. I keep telling him it doesn’t matter, that we can adopt or have a child through the genetic centers of the Inner Core planets, but… you know it’s not the same.”
Aksel gave a clipped nod. The practice was very frowned upon on Eila, for a good reason. Adopting or genetically engineering Eilan children in artificial wombs was considered very selfish, because such children couldn’t form pack bonds to their parents and siblings and tended to suffer from depression and a severe sense of displacement. It was very rarely done for a reason. It was cruel.
Royce sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I worry that’s why Haydn wants to do the designation reassignment surgery on Calluvia.”
Aksel’s eyebrows drew together. That was news to him. “Well, if his bigoted bastard of a father didn’t change his designation when he was still in the womb, Haydn would have been born an omega.”
“Yes,” Royce said, but his frown didn’t disappear. “I truly don’t care that he’s an alpha, but I do want children and—” His cheekbones flushed. “You know how it is. You can’t help the instinct to want to breed your mate.”
Aksel gave a clipped nod.
“But I think Haydn has sensed it and wants to do it just to please me,” Royce said, grimacing. “I don’t want him to do it for me. I don’t want him to be miserable in the long run. I love him too much for that.”
Tensing up, Aksel stared at his brother, feeling a strong sense of deja vu.
Royce had expressed exactly the same sentiment Lucien had: that he didn’t want his mate to make a choice that would make him miserable in the long run. It was obvious that Royce wanted Haydn to do it, but he felt guilty about it and he had gaslighted himself into thinking that it was wrong to want that, that Haydn couldn’t want it for himself, that he must be choosing to do it for Royce’s sake, as if Haydn didn’t have agency.
I love him too much for that.
Lucien had never said that he loved him, but other than that, his reasoning largely matched Royce’s.
And they both were full of shit. Goody-two-shoes obsessed with doing the honorable thing instead of allowing themselves to be happy.
To be fair, he had been guilty of the same. He had been hesitant about pursuing Lucien because he had convinced himself that Lucien should be protected from the scandal. He had stayed away from Lucien in public because he hadn’t wanted to give the gossipmongers something else to blame Lucien for. And it had been the same mistake Lucien and Royce were making: doing what they perceived as the honorable thing instead of going after what they both clearly wanted.
“Haydn has a good head on his shoulders,” Aksel said, getting to his feet. “He isn’t a weak-willed idiot who’d do it just to please you, Royce. If he wants to do it, that means he really wants to do it. Trust him to know what he wants. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you know better. It’s his body, his life, and his decision. It’s not like he’s rushing into that decision. He had more than a year to think about it. No offense, but it’s hugely offensive that you think you know better. You don’t.”
And leaving his brother frowning pensively, Aksel walked out of the room.
He had a few things to set right.
***
He found Dylan outside the house. He was seated on a large rock, his knees drawn up to his chest as he stared out at the sea.