Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I want to share in more ways than you do right now.
Ben reaches for me, his hand resting on my hip. “I want you to stay. We have an early start in the morning, and I honestly don’t know if I’ll get in the car if you’re not here to push me.” He doesn’t wait for me to give him an answer. He takes my luggage out of the back of my car and carries it into the house. I follow behind, nervous and sad. I love the idea of sleeping next to him again, but I’m sad because we’re not the same anymore.
I’m brushing my teeth when Ben comes into the bathroom. He’s wearing a plain T-shirt and a pair of boxers. He’s been crying. Seeing him like this tears me up inside. I wish with all my might that I could take away his pain, to ease his suffering. When I finish, I fight the urge to pull him into my arms. He wants there to be a separation between us and I need to honor his wishes, even when it hurts me.
Ben dims the overhead lights as he walks into the bedroom. He crawls into bed and pulls the blankets up to his waist and then rolls onto his side. I make sure the alarm is set on my phone and roll to match him. We lie there, with our hands under our pillows. Neither of us say anything. All our communication is done by the tears that stain our pillowcases.
After what seems like forever, Ben takes my hand in his. “I’m scared,” he says into the quiet. “I know you are too. You don’t have to tell me. I also know there isn’t anything we can do but follow what we’re told. The surgeon is going to cut me open tomorrow and remove parts of me. . . I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I feel like I’m losing my manhood.”
“I’m so sorry. I know sorry seems like just a word, but I honestly have no idea what to say.”
Ben closes his eyes and snuggles up to our hands. “Thank you for being here.”
“Nothing is going to keep me away from you, Ben. Nothing.”
Sleep evades us. By the time my alarm goes off, we’ve moved to the middle of the bed so we’re touching, and we held hands all night. Now that we’re up, we’re moving around the house in silence. Brenda’s brewed a pot of coffee and Brad’s carried Ben’s bag to the doorway. He’s currently sitting outside waiting for the car.
“Thanks for the coffee, Brenda.”
She nods. “We’re going to need it.”
“My mom will be by a bit later with breakfast.”
“And your dad?” she asks. I try not roll my eyes or sigh. I know she has a crush on my dad.
“He’s getting ready to take my band on tour, and someone will have to watch Oliver.”
“Oliver?”
“Oliver is the foster baby my parents are trying to adopt.”
“Wow, isn’t your mom old?”
I look at her oddly and shake my head before walking away. In seconds she took something positive and turned it nasty. Regardless of how old my mom is, she and my dad have enough love to spread around to whoever needs it. Besides, my dad is older. But Brenda doesn’t care about that.
The car honks when it arrives. I usher Brad and Brenda outside, and slowly coax Ben to the car. He’s right, he wouldn’t have gone if I hadn’t been here. When I go to get in, the back seat is full.
“Mom, go sit in the front, please.”
“But Ben.”
He shakes his head. “Go or stay here.”
Brenda slides out and mutters, “So fucking entitled.”
Yep, I am. Even when I’m not his girlfriend, Ben prefers me over her. I seriously want to stick my tongue out at her and show her how childish I can be. As soon as Brenda and I are seated, the driver heads toward the hospital.
“Will the press be there?” Brad asks.
“No, why would they be?”
He shrugs.
“I’m not famous,” I tell him.
“Still see you guys in the paper sometimes.”
“Yeah, I suppose you do. Regardless, we’ll take the back entrance. It’s private.” My phone lights up with a text from Quinn. I read it and smile. “Quinn’s behind us.”
Ben turns and looks out the back window. It’s still dark and all he can see are the headlights of the car behind. “He didn’t have to come.”
“He knows that, but you’re his friend.”
Ben looks out the side window. He rests his elbow on the door and his chin on his fist. He reaches for my hand, and I give it to him freely. Brad huffs but thankfully keeps his comments to himself.
When the driver pulls up to the security booth at the hospital, he rolls the back window down. “Elle James,” I give him my name and hope there’s some recognition.