Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
“Beaumont General,” Elle says. She brushes her hand across the blanket covering me. “You collapsed at the pet store and an ambulance brought you here.”
“Really?”
She nods. “You had a fever, Ben. A bad fever and you’re very sick.”
“Yeah, the chemo does that.”
Elle’s lips morph into a fine line and she shakes her head. She inhales deeply and I know she’s about to deliver the worst news of my life. “You had a cut on your leg, and it became infected. After tracing our days last week, I figured it happened at the lake when you thought you were bitten by a fish. Quinn went out there and found some rusty nails sticking out of the wood and into the water. We never saw you bleeding because your leg was in the water. You developed sepsis. The doctor believes you’re going to make a full recovery, but it’s going to take some time, especially with your compromised immune system.”
“I’m going to die, aren’t I?”
Elle doesn’t answer me right off. I look at the ceiling, unable to look into her eyes. “We just have to be more aware of what we’re doing. I should’ve never suggested we go to the lake with everyone or gone back to work. Had we been home, I would’ve seen the signs. I would’ve known you had a fever.”
I turn my head sharply toward her, which is a mistake. Pain radiates down my side and my stomach rolls. I close my eyes again and practice my breathing exercises until the nausea subsides.
“I don’t want you to live like a hermit or give up what you want to do because I might get sick. This is why I didn’t tell you, Elle. You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold because I have cancer and now this whatever the hell it’s called.” I let go of her hand and cross my arms over my chest. I’m close to telling her to leave, but I know she won’t. She’s defiant sometimes. Well, most of the time. She’s undoubtedly the most stubborn woman I know.
“Ben, it’s not your fault you got another infection or even the first infection. When we were at the lake, neither of us gave it a second thought when you said you got bit by a fish. Let’s be honest, what fish is actually going to bite someone?”
“A shark,” I say, sarcastically.
“In a lake?” she retorts. “It’s not like we were hanging out on the Hudson River and a shark decided to take a stroll up the river.”
I shrug.
“Stop being petulant,” she tells me. “Shit happens. We deal with it and move on but having a crap attitude or telling me you’re going to do this alone isn’t going to help. I’m not going anywhere, Ben. And if I want to feel guilty about things, I’m going to.”
“But I don’t want you to,” I say quietly. “I don’t want you to feel guilty for staying with me when I’m a walking talking time bomb.”
Elle stands abruptly and leans toward me with her finger poised in the air. “Benjamin Miller, I will not tolerate the negativity. You’re going to beat this. All of this. The cancer, the sepsis, and whatever else pops the hell up. We’re going to fight. Together.”
I shake my head and will the tears forming in my eyes to go away. “I’ve been at this fight for weeks, Elle, and hospitalized twice. It’s hard to remain positive.”
“We knew the risks,” she says, sitting back down. “We knew infections could happen, and this last one could’ve been avoided. We just have to be diligent. But I need you to get it through your head, I’m not going anywhere.”
Finally, I let the tears flow. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” My voice is barely above a whisper, but she hears me. Elle rests her head on my shoulder and her tears soak through my gown, the cotton excuse for pajamas the hospital dresses you in. I put my hand over the top of hers and before I know it, she’s crawling into bed, next to me.
“I love you so much, Ben.”
“I love you,” I tell her and then let out a little laugh. “I had a dream while I was sleeping.”
“You were in a coma.”
I try to shrug, but my shoulders don’t move much. “I think it was before I woke up fully. It was right before I opened my eyes.”
“What did you dream about?” she asks. I like that she didn’t discount me a second time and believes me when I tell her I had a dream.
“Us, although it was weird. We were there, and I talked about our wedding. You wanted me to tell you about it or something, and then we sat on a porch together. I think we were watching our kids play, which is silly because I can’t have kids.”