Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
He looked a bit frayed around the edges, something I understood all too well.
“And you’re right, I’m not tryin’ to hurt anyone. I was just tryin’ to live an honest life.”
“And are you?” he asked. “Living an honest life?”
I briefly squeezed my eyes shut. “Mostly.”
“You and Julian became close, though, yeah?”
I looked over at him, making sure he wasn’t trying to bait me into admitting something, because I swore to God, my fist would meet his lip. But he looked genuinely curious. Genuinely contrite as well.
“Felt like someone was finally in my corner.” That familiar ache in my chest intensified. “So I tried to be there for him too.”
“I can see that now.” He grew quiet for a long moment, then thumped my knee with his fist. “Sorry I haven’t been there for you.”
I cleared my tight throat. “’S’kay. You’re tryin’ now.”
29
Julian
“You haven’t opened that?” Caitlin pointed at the wrapped gift still sitting on my dresser as she got comfy on my bed.
We’d just returned from getting fitted for my tux, and I was able to get a glimpse of her wedding dress too. It was simple but elegant and perfect for a beach wedding in the Hamptons.
“No, I was…waiting, I guess,” I muttered, looking away guiltily.
Coming home had been a bit of a rude awakening, and not only from being immersed in a crowd straight off the plane and assaulted by all the loud noises on the ride through Midtown to Mom’s apartment. Also because none of that familiarity did anything to dissuade the emptiness I felt deep in my gut.
I couldn’t deny I was missing Wyoming. Had you told me I’d ever say those words in my life, I’d have accused you of lying.
Christ, Mom was going to have a field day with that one.
She was concerned that I seemed restless and preoccupied, but had thankfully chalked it up to an adjustment period. I wasn’t ready to divulge anything regarding Kerry Carmichael or my feelings where he was concerned, so it was just as well.
Luckily, I hadn’t had any episodes, except that morning, hearing the first blaring horn as I stepped off the curb outside the bagel shop. It passed quickly as I focused on gripping the bag I was holding and the taxi driver shouting at me to get the hell out of the way.
Damn, how had I lived here all my life? I’d take bleating goats and clucking chickens any day of the week. Maybe Wyoming had been the push I needed to find a quiet place all my own.
So why did the thought make me feel even more unsettled?
“Waiting for what?” Caitlin eyed the package, bringing it front and center again. “Open it already.”
“What’s going on?” Mom asked, stepping just inside the doorway. We had stayed up late that first night as I caught her up on everything regarding Cottonwood Creek and Firefly Farm. I could feel her scrutiny as I tiptoed around certain subjects, and I wondered if she noticed the change in me. Because I did feel different. Jesus, I likely sounded like one of those Hallmark movies Caitlin and Mom liked to watch during the holiday season. City boy goes to the country and is not only enchanted by the locals, but also the brooding, rugged cowboy.
“Julian’s finally going to open his gift,” Caitlin said, clapping her hands like it was Christmas morning or something.
Guess it was as good a time as any. And probably better that I wasn’t alone.
I lifted the package, then carefully unwrapped the butcher paper, imagining Kerry’s thick, calloused fingers judiciously applying the tape. God, I was pathetic.
Once the paper was off, I stared down at what looked like the back of a wooden picture frame stained dark, possibly by Kerry’s own hands. Had he made this? I thought back to that afternoon when Kerry had helped me haul all the scrap wood away, and the stitch returned to my chest.
I could tell Caitlin’s patience was running thin as her knee jiggled beside me. Before she could snatch the gift from my hand and look for herself, I flipped the frame over, and gasped.
It was a photo of me and Mercy in the paddock, undoubtedly during one of our sessions with Dr. Barnes. I was standing in front of him, the soft brush in my hand.
And then I read the inscription on a small silver plate under the picture: I will always think of him as yours.
Well, that did it. My eyes filled with unshed tears, and I tried furiously to blink them away.
I could feel Caitlin and Mom staring at me, but I could barely lift my gaze long enough from the gift Kerry had so innocently sent me off with, not fathoming it was going to absolutely shred me. Goddamn it.
“Can I see?” Caitlin asked in a cautious tone maybe because she knew I was about to break down. It was just the distraction I needed from my own thoughts.