Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86841 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86841 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
The singe of a burn over my heart was physical this time, and I dropped my eyes to see the cigarette being put out on my skin. I strained to hear his words as blood drooled from the sides of my lips. He held up a knife, showing me the blade. His mouth moved, telling me something.
Then, he turned around abruptly, and I lifted my gaze to see Bane Cash standing in the room. His gaze did a quick once-over of me, and then he began talking to Gathe. It felt like swimming through fog as I tried to hear their words.
“She’ll kill you.”
“This isn’t the answer.”
“Fucker deserves to die.”
“Why did you help him?”
“Let ’em finish,” I said as loud as I could, drawing all their eyes to me. I repeated it. “Let ’em finish.”
Gathe started toward me, but Bane grabbed his arm, jerking him back. I could hear yelling, and then Bane pointed at the door. Than stood and put a hand on Gathe’s back, trying to get him to move. Gathe looked back at me, the promise that he would be back to finish clear in his eyes.
Time ticked by. Minutes, hours—I didn’t know. They were all gone.
The blood had stopped trickling from my nose and mouth. I could feel my lips were swollen and busted in more than one place even if I couldn’t see or touch them. The feeling in my arms and hands had long since gone. My legs were weak but I kept my feet firmly planted on the ground.
Images of Saylor smiling at me played in my head. The way her hair fell like golden waves when she threw her head back, laughing. Her lips as her mouth fell open when sounds of pleasure escaped her. How she tasted. Her sweet scent.
My conscious mind came and went. Memories I wanted to remember, haunted by the ones I wished I could undo. Rewrite. Change. Those came to me in my dreams.
I couldn’t die down here without seeing her one more time. She needed to know. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness. But taking my last breath, knowing she thought I hadn’t loved her, that she had been my second choice, I couldn’t let that happen. Before they silenced me, she needed to know that I’d chosen her.
Thirty-Eight
Jude
Forty Hours Ago
The sour burn of bile remained in my throat while I listened to Hannah talk about their church in Fort Worth. Carp told me about his new riding lawn mower, and they both begged me to make it home for a visit this summer. Putting food in my mouth that I didn’t taste was the only thing that kept me from blurting out what I had to tell them right here in the restaurant. I had to get this meal over first.
Hannah excused herself to go to the restroom, and I took another drink from my glass of sweet tea, wishing it were whiskey instead. This was the longest meal in the history of the world. Every second that ticked by was one that Saylor was hurting.
“All right, son, what’s going on?” Carp asked from across the table as he crossed his arms over his round belly.
I knew the smile I had forced was a pathetic attempt. It was the best I could do. “Some things have changed. I intended to talk to you both about it after lunch,” I told him. There was no point in lying about it when we’d be leaving soon and that talk would be next.
His eyes narrowed. “What kind of things?”
This wasn’t the place to have this talk. I had waited out of respect for them, but my loyalty only went so far. They weren’t the most important people in my life. When faced with choosing, I had made my choice. I chose who I couldn’t live without. I knew there wouldn’t be a day that I didn’t want her. Continuing this life on the path I had taken wasn’t going to work anymore. I’d had my road diverge, and the path I would take wasn’t a question. I knew what I had to do. It wasn’t about the amount of people I hurt or betrayed. Maybe if I were a better man, it would be.
I wasn’t that man. Putting anyone or anything before Saylor Rice was impossible for me. I wouldn’t do it. I’d burn the town down around me if I had to in order to have her. Whatever it took, I would do it.
“Me,” I replied, looking at the man who had been like a second father to me. “I’ve changed.”
His frown deepened. “How so?”
I sat up, placing my hands on the table in front of me, then took a moment to prepare for the outcome. His response. Their response. All things I was willing to face.
“I grew up. I’m not a boy anymore. My beliefs have changed. My feelings have matured.”