Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55375 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 277(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55375 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 277(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
“Is there something you want to tell me, too?” Dad says.
“What do you mean?” I snap.
“I thought, before… I don’t know.”
“What?” I say, my voice straining. My heart has started its ribcage-busting routine. I’d give all the money in the world to be trapped by that blizzard again, with everything else faded away. I miss it so badly.
“Before we left, I heard you on the phone with Laura. Are you planning a Europe trip?” He tries for a joking smile like he’s caught me out, and I smile. I laugh. I go along with it. We’re both playing roles—father and daughter trying to make the best of a bad, strange situation. Neither of us is good enough at acting to make it stick.
“We were talking about it,” I say, “but nothing’s decided yet.”
“I’m changing the subject,” Dad says with a tight smile, making me almost sure he will say something else. But what, Dad? What? “Yes, I went to Little Hope to see a woman, but there’s an issue.” He puts his hands on his knees as though bracing himself. “Maybe we should discuss it after…”
“What else are we going to do?” I say, feeling a flutter of excitement for Dad despite everything, despite the lies. Mom found Xavier, but Dad never seemed to move on. He was stuck just being my dad and dedicated to work as if Mom had put him off relationships for life. “Anyway, you’ve already started.”
Dad buries his head in his hands, then dramatically drops them. I’d be borderline giddy about this if there weren’t so much messiness. Dad looks like a teenager about to gossip about his crush. “She’s not much older than you,” Dad says. “Emma, she’s nineteen.”
I stare in disbelief at Dad. My first thought is how crazy that is. The age gap is too much. I imagine one of my friends with somebody who’s Dad’s age. Then I almost laugh because that’s absurd. Last night, I had the best night of my life with somebody with just as much of an age gap.
“Emma?” Dad says after a long pause.
“How did you meet?” I ask.
“I thought you’d have more of a reaction.”
“I’m trying to process it,” I mutter.
I’m being an absolute hypocrite, but I find myself thinking, What does Dad have in common with a woman my age?
“She was doing freelance work for the company,” Dad says. “Remotely. For a couple of months, we talked in the work chat. Then we exchanged numbers. I tried to fight it, Emma. I knew it was wrong.”
“Why is it wrong?” I say fiercely.
“I’m twenty years older than her,” Dad says. “Do you really have to ask that? She might even be a little older than you.”
“She can make her own decisions,” I say, knowing I have to stop, knowing I’m making my real feelings obvious.
“Some people would say she’s too young. They’d say I’m taking advantage.”
“Are you?” I only realize my tone is super aggressive when Rusty sits up and looks at me like he’s saying, Chill. “Because the thing is, Dad, it’s on a case-by-case basis, right? Only you know if you’re taking advantage of her.”
“I’d die before I took advantage of her,” Dad says, sounding just like… hell, just like Jacob does when he talks about protecting me. “That’s why I had to leave yesterday. God help me. I don’t know how it’s possible to feel like this when we’ve mostly talked over the phone.”
“I guess love takes crazy paths sometimes.”
“Love,” Dad says.
“Well, don’t you love her?”
He nods. “I haven’t told her yet, but I do. I’ve been holding off on telling her.”
“Why?”
“Because I never thought we’d be having a conversation like this about it,” he says. “A woman your age… I thought you’d freak. Ever since the divorce, I’ve been trying to make it up to you. I want to do my best.”
“You’re an amazing dad.” I walk over to him, sit on the chair, and hug him. “And you’re an amazing person. Let people think whatever they want. If you have something real, you should go after it.”
“Do you really think so?” he asks, looking up at me.
Again, there’s that subtle challenge in his eyes, but I’m unsure if it’s all in my head. Maybe I’m taking the coward’s way out by not confronting him. Do you know something? Why do you keep looking at me like that?
“So, how long has it been?” I ask.
“Four months, total,” Dad replies. “Her name’s Angelica.”
“What’s she like?”
Dad gets a dreamy, faraway expression. “She’s relaxed. She’s peaceful. She makes me calm.”
“You’re the calmest person I know.”
“With her, it’s different. There’s no noise.”
“Noise?” I ask.
He glances at me. “There’s a reason I left the military,” he says. “It wouldn’t stop chasing me—every damn engagement, every shot fired. I’m not as strong as…” He glances at the ceiling, not having to tell me he’s talking about Jacob, lying up there, watching, protecting us. “With my Angelica, there’s just silence and peace, but that’s part of the issue.”