Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 93140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 466(@200wpm)___ 373(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 466(@200wpm)___ 373(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
I pulled him into my arms. “Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t need to say any more. I’m so sorry, Grant. I’m so, so sorry.”
We stayed that way for a long time, both of us crying and holding each other as if our lives depended on it. In the moment, I thought maybe his did. Maybe he needed to get this out in order for his life to move forward.
Eventually, he pulled back and looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry I walked out on you. You didn’t deserve that. And I’ll never do it again. I promise.”
I was such an emotional wreck, I was afraid to believe he was telling me any more than he’d said—afraid to get my hopes up that his apology was a promise of a future and not just an explanation of the past.
He looked into my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ireland. I’ve felt buried these last seven years, buried in darkness in the ground—until I met you. You made me feel like maybe I hadn’t been buried after all, but planted in the ground, waiting to grow again.”
I gulped in a breath of air to stop the last of my crying. “Please don’t apologize anymore. I understand. I’m sorry this happened to us and stirred up all these difficult memories.”
Grant shook his head. “No. Don’t say that. Don’t be sorry you’re pregnant. I’m not.”
“You’re not?”
He shook his head again. “I’m scared shitless. I don’t feel like I deserve another child. I’m worried something will happen again. But I’m not sorry you’re having my baby.”
Hope bloomed inside of me. “Are you sure?”
Grant pulled my face to his until our noses were touching. “I love you, Ireland. I think I did from the very first time you gave me an attitude in that coffee shop. And I’ve tried to fight it every step of the way, but it’s physically impossible for me not to love you. Trust me, I tried as hard as I could. I’m done fighting it. I want to love you.”
All of my tears came flooding back. Only this time, some happy ones were mixed in. “I love you, too.”
Grant’s dog finished digging his hole and started to try to lick my face again. I sniffled and laughed. “Your dog is as pushy as you.”
“He’s not my dog.”
I pulled back. “What? But you have his leash and said he was?”
“Spuds is your dog, if you’ll have him.”
Spuds. Oh my God. He remembered what I’d said I wanted. “Two or three little ones close in age, maybe a golden retriever named Spuds—a real full house.”
We sat on the grass, kissing and saying I love you to each other over and over. Eventually, the sun was gone and the stars came out. I could barely see the lake anymore.
Grant stroked my hair. “I went to visit Leilani every day over the last week. Some days I’d sit leaning against her headstone from dusk until dawn. It wasn’t pretty. I definitely scared away a few people visiting nearby graves. But I hadn’t been there since her funeral. I just couldn’t bring myself to go. Instead, I stayed on that damn boat so every day I was reminded of the worst day of my life. It was impossible to move on living where it happened. I was keeping the memory of my daughter alive, but none of the good ones I should’ve been focusing on.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “One morning I ended up at the prison psychiatric hospital where Lily lives, and I talked to her doctor. I’ve been so lost for so long, and I guess I thought I needed something from them to move on. But it turned out I don’t. I need something from you.”
I looked into Grant’s eyes. “Anything. What can I do?”
He smiled, a crooked, adorable, half smile that told me he’d expected my response. “Give me another chance.”
***
A beam of sun streaking through a window directly onto my face woke me on the floor. Naked and confused, I squinted and shielded my eyes while reaching down for the blanket at my waist. Memories of the night before came flooding back, and a goofy smile spread across my face. Grant and I had spent half the night talking and half the night making up for the last two weeks of not being able to touch each other.
For as long as I lived, I’d never forget the look in his eyes when he told me he loved me as he pushed inside of me. The words making love had been just that—words—before last night. But we’d connected in such a way that it truly felt like we became one. Which made me wonder…why wasn’t my other half lying next to me anymore?
I wrapped the blanket around my body and went in search of Grant.