Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55765 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55765 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
“The first time you saw her, she was a—”
“A kid, I know,” he replies, “but I didn’t see her then. She was just there sometimes. I mean after. I mean Maci, the woman. I mean my woman.” Lukas bites down as if thinking he’s gone too far, but I can feel the pressure in Kayla’s hand. It’s like I can read her mood through it. She’s not mad. “I know how that sounds, but it’s how I see her, Kayla.”
“Is it how you want him to see you?” Kayla says, looking at Maci.
Maci takes some time to compose herself. She doesn’t want to cry. She doesn’t think she deserves it. She doesn’t want to use her sadness to manipulate Kayla. I know this because I was the same when, last night, Kayla asked me about my childhood. I almost broke down, but I fought it off.
“Yes,” she says after a long pause, pushing away the tears. “Kay, I love you. I never wanted to hurt you, but yes. It’s how I want him to see me. It’s how I see him: my man and your dad. It’s so freaking messy, and for the record, Lukas wanted to tell you. He wanted to do the right thing, but I chickened out.”
Kayla shuffles closer to me on the couch. My heart aches with how close she wants to be to me.
“This isn’t something best friends do,” she whispers. “It’s not something dads do.”
“I know,” Lukas and Maci say at the same time.
“I should hate you.”
“Should?” Lukas says, his voice getting deep. For a second, I think he might cry, too.
“Should,” Kayla repeats. “I should scream at you. Tell you to get the hell away from me. I should, but look at them.” She turns to me, her wide eyes shiny with tears. She rubs her cheek like she’s angry at herself. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”
My days of lying to Kayla are long behind me. “Yeah,” I tell her. “I see it.”
“How couldn’t you?” she whispers. “How couldn’t anyone? They’re in love. I’ve always wanted to see them happy—both of them and look. If this isn’t happiness, I don’t know what is.”
There’s no way for me to possibly disagree with her. I’ve been around enough misery to be able to identify the opposite.
“But it’s still wrong,” she says, turning back to them. “You still went behind my back. You still lied. You still betrayed me.”
“I know,” Lukas says, sighing. “Oh, Kayla… there’s nothing I can say. There’s no excuse.”
“You have to say something.” She coughs back a sob.
“Just that… if you could ever find your way to giving us your blessing, I promise you’ll never have to worry about choosing between us. You’ll never have to worry about us breaking up. This is real.”
“It is,” Maci says. “It’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt. I didn’t even think I could feel something like this—that I deserved something like this. I just hate that he happens to be your dad. I wish I could explain where this feeling comes from.”
Kayla glances at me. Her hand is so tight around mine now that it’s starting to hurt, but I don’t care. I’d let her shatter every bone in my hand if it comforted her.
Slowly, a smile twitches at the edge of her mouth. She’s got the most infectious, beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. I remember back when we were messaging on the dating app, trying to convince myself she was ugly, trying to convince myself I disliked her. It would be easier to manipulate her that way, but I never could. It’s impossible.
“What if you change?” she asks. “You can’t promise you’ll always feel this way.”
CHAPTER 31
LUKAS
“Yes, we can,” I say fiercely when Kayla says we can’t promise we’ll always feel this way. I’ve been struggling not to reach over and take Maci’s hand all this time. I can hear the agony in her voice every time she speaks.
Kayla must be able to tell because she gestures and says, “It’s okay, Dad. You can hold her hand.”
A small flurry of warmth courses through me at this. I take Maci’s hand, squeezing tightly—probably as tightly as Finn is holding Kayla’s. Nobody could argue this is a normal setup, but it works for us.
“How can you know?” Kayla says.
“I just knew the second I saw her,” I say seriously. “My life would always be split into two: before Maci and after Maci. I’m not the same man I was then. Too much has changed. Maci has changed me. The guilt has changed me. Sebastian’s betrayal has changed me. But one thing will never change: my determination to be with my woman and my dedication to her. That will always be with me.”
“With us,” Maci whispers.
Kayla lets go of Finn’s hand and stands up, pacing up and down in front of us. “I believe you,” she says, a note of awe in her voice. It makes me think of when she was a kid at the science fair, and she saw a papier mâché volcano. It’s a volcano, Daddy, with the same astonishment in her voice. “I do believe you.”