Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
I have to satisfy myself with the reminder that I know her; I would’ve known if she’d moved on, really moved on. I’d know if one of those deadbeat assholes had laid a hand on her, I would’ve felt it. I know, too, that if I hunted them down like I wanted to, the news would be all over the press, and the jig would be up.
I owed it to Saunders at least to see this thing through, but I’m not sure I can go a whole month, let alone two, without going to her. As soon as things became clear, it was all I could think about, getting to her, explaining everything, and hoping that that temper of hers would let me get the words out before she brained me with something.
It’s memories like that that keep me sane these days. The fiery passion that she shared only with me. I don’t see anything even close when I look at her with those other guys. I’m pretty sure she’s doing that shit in part to get under my skin, that on top of that damn goodbye song like it was that easy. Let’s just see what little Miss. Thing has to say when I give her my answer.
I was already planning to release the song to a streaming device on my own instead of waiting like I usually do for a commercial release in a day or two. And even though I know I have to wait, at least I’d have said my piece. I was actually looking forward to this form of communication, and I wondered if she knew that she’d opened Pandora’s box by kicking it off.
By telling me goodbye after five years, she’s shown her hand in a way I doubt she’d considered when she walked into the studio. All she did was let me know that she wasn’t over me yet, that it had taken her this long to think that she was, but we both knew that she would never be over me, just as I would never be over her.
Remembering everything that had happened and why it had happened has helped me come to terms with the way things went down. I know now that I was never meant to come back to my senses. They’d planned to keep me drugged and under their control for the rest of my life or until they’d bled me dry.
The other stuff Saunders had divulged was way over my pay grade. Knowing that Elena had tried to warn me, that she’d seen it when I hadn’t and got out before it was too late, is the only thing that I’m grateful for in this whole mess. But it’s also the thing that tears me apart.
From the moment Saunders laid it all out for me, and the memories came back, my only thought was of her and whether or not she now believed that I’d given into the depravity that she’d tried to save me from. I can’t imagine the pain she felt when I chose the enemy over her.
But now I know why I’d done it, and I’d do it again. I’d do anything to keep her safe. Even let them destroy me.
Chapter 35
*Elena*
Ryder’s back. I shouldn’t feel this much relief that he was back safe, but there it is. I think I knew of his return even before the news broke; I felt it. I hadn’t let on to anyone, including myself, just how worried I was about his disappearance or how often I’d looked at the photo of him in the crowd amidst my fans in the last few weeks. And yes, I’ve finally admitted to myself that I wrote and released that goodbye as a way to keep in touch with him in a small way.
Not that I expected him to reply or anything of the sort, but at the time, even with all my other excuses and reasons, I needed to do it for me. But it wasn’t long after the release that I realized how futile the effort was and that my heart may never heal enough from the blow of losing him. Something I only found out afterward.
I thought I’d done a lot of healing and that I was ready to move on in some small way, but my own goodbye had proved me wrong. I’d gotten sidetracked with the whole rumor mill thing that was now going on with Mary Hudson and her daughters, but that hadn’t lasted because something else that I’d learned was no matter what happens to my enemies, my heart is still broken.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten a bit of secret pleasure at seeing them finally pay for some of the things they’d done, and that too at someone else’s hand, but the damage was already done, and there was still no Ryder and me. So whatever pleasure I gleaned from their imminent downfall was minute because my heart was still not whole.