Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Dad almost seemed to sway for a moment, his skin a bit pale. Then he looked at me, and for the first time, I couldn’t read the expression on his face. A mixture of surprise and contemplation maybe? But the pause made my stomach clench, and I just…got nervous. When I got nervous, I’d been known to word-vomit, which was what happened next. “There’s someone…a guy. His name is Dane, and I…” God, what was wrong with me? Dad began working again, digging at the earth. I had no fucking clue if I should do this or not, but I was already there and decided to keep going. “I love him. I don’t know what will happen, but I wanted to tell you about him, ya know? I should be able to do that. And I’m hoping that one day he can come here and you guys would want to meet him. He’s got this niece…God, she’s the best and—”
Dad held up his hand, and the damn thing was shaking.
My heart dropped to my stomach, and I stood there, watching, sadness spreading through me like a disease. He was going to say no, that I didn’t deserve all the things I maybe wanted, that he didn’t want Dane and Hailey to come see them. “You said you would try,” I added softly. “You said…” As I looked at him, I noticed his hand was shaking more. His skin was even paler, Christ, so pale, he looked like a ghost. “Dad?”
He reached for me, and his eyes widened with shock as his legs went out from under him. He collapsed to the cold ground, and I rushed to him, went down beside him. “Dad? Oh my God, what’s wrong?”
He was grabbing his chest. His breaths were short, shallow pants, and it hit me what was happening. “I got you, Dad. I’m here. You’re going to be okay.” Fuck, he really had to be okay.
My eyes pooled with tears as I fumbled my phone from my pocket and called 911. As soon as they answered, I rattled off our address. “My dad…I think he’s having a heart attack.”
Things were fuzzy from there. They asked me questions and gave me instructions, and all I could think about was my dad in my arms. My dad who was having a heart attack after I told him I loved a boy, and my mom in the house, who would see the ambulance and not know what was happening.
It felt like both no time at all and an eternity later when the EMTs arrived, and Mom came running from the house. They strapped Dad onto the gurney, and I felt…empty…angry. Why had I pushed things? Why had I blurted it out like that when he was in the middle of exerting himself? A thousand other thoughts slammed into me, all the things I should have known or done.
“I’m going to ride with your father. Get his meds list. It’s folded up on the corkboard in the kitchen. Then meet us there,” Mom said through her tears. That was odd; she never used to keep his list so handy before.
As soon as they were gone, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Bending over, I emptied my stomach onto the ground. Scared, confused, hurt…and angry at myself for pushing. Fuck, I always kept pushing, whether it was with Mom and Dad, with Seth about guys and hooking up, with Dane who’d wanted nothing to do with me in the beginning. Now I’d pushed again, pushed so hard that my dad was currently on his way to the hospital. It didn’t matter that there was a voice in my head telling me it wasn’t my fault, that it was his heart…or an even quieter one saying that love should always be celebrated. My dad had a heart attack when I told him I was in love with a boy, and I didn’t know how to deal with that.
38
Dane
I sank down on the couch with my second cup of coffee. It just didn’t feel the same without Jesse. It was as if the city lights had grown dimmer without him in it, which was totally silly. Or maybe it was that my life felt somehow less bright without him.
It was the Monday before Christmas Eve, and I hadn’t heard from Jesse since yesterday during my shift at the Drag Brunch when he’d texted to tell me he’d arrived safely at his parents’ house. My other two texts since then had gone unanswered, and I was worried. So maybe that contributed to how overly emotional I was feeling today.
Even Hailey tiptoeing around the Christmas tree and trying to sneak peeks at the gifts underneath did little to dislodge the tight fist of anxiety in my stomach.
Still in her pajamas, she climbed on my lap and patted my cheek. “You otay, Unca Dame?”