Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
I was almost at my parents’ house, and the closer I got, the more nervous I became about telling them about Dane. But I hadn’t been lying when I told him I wanted them to know about him. He was my boyfriend, and I’d told him I more than liked him, which I wondered if he knew meant I loved him. I didn’t want to keep that a secret. But I also feared it might be too soon, which in a lot of ways was bullshit. My parents had known I was gay since I was eighteen years old—and if they were being honest, probably before that. Still, it was only last month that I’d gotten all emotional with them and they’d both agreed to try harder.
I should probably let the dust settle a bit, but that wasn’t really me. When I decided something, when I wanted something, I went for it. Sometimes it worked out, and sometimes it didn’t. I was a bit of a bulldozer sometimes.
My parents were both on the porch when I pulled into the driveway. I saw Mom nudge Dad, and I had a feeling that was her reminding him to put in more of an effort. It was harder for him. While Mom worried more about my soul, Dad just…didn’t know what to do with me. How to relate to me. It was like I was an alien instead of simply gay.
I killed the engine on Dane’s car and got out. Mom ran toward me like she hadn’t seen me just a few weeks ago. We hugged, and she told me she missed me and how good it was to see me.
Dad lingered behind her, offering a, “Good to see you, son,” and this half-hug thing. He looked a little tired, like maybe he hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before, like he’d stressed about me coming home as much as I did.
“Good to see you too,” I replied.
We went inside and went about our normal business. Mom fed me, even though it wasn’t mealtime, because that’s what she did. Food fixed everything. Afterward, I offered to go out with Dad and help him do some work he said needed to be done on one section of the fence. I figured if I was expecting him to try, I should as well.
It was cold as hell, and I really wanted to be inside, having a warm bath or something like that, but we were lucky there wasn’t snow on the ground, and again, I was trying.
“What happened?” I asked Dad as we studied the slats.
“Nothin’ really. Just old wood, weather damage and the like. You don’t gotta help if you don’t want to.”
“No, I do,” I replied…and I sort of did. I wanted to spend time with him. Wanted to know him and for him to know me. “I can do stuff like this, ya know? Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I can’t.”
“I didn’t…” He shook his head. “Okay. Let’s do it, then.”
He was going to say he didn’t think that, but the truth was, he did. He saw me as…well, not the kind of man he was, and that made my stomach twist up.
One of the sections of the fence had broken apart, and we had to put in a couple of new posts. “So, um…how’s school?” he asked, which made me smile. Dad never asked shit like that. Sure, he looked a little…well, almost a little ill to be doing so, but he was doing it.
“It’s going really well. I love it. Feels like I’m doing important work.”
“This is important work too,” he replied.
“I know. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I didn’t think that. It’s just…different.”
Dad nodded, tugged his cap down lower on his head. “I know it doesn’t seem to ya like I’m tryin’, but I am. It’s difficult…” He didn’t look at me, just worked hard at digging out the hole for a new post; he’d always been a hard worker. “Had somethin’ in my head my whole life—this farm and my son takin’ it over. Thought you’d have a wife, and your mama wants grandbabies to spoil. It’s what I’m used to. Never really thought of nothin’ else as a possibility.”
Holy shit. That was likely the most words my father had ever said to me about anything important…about me. “I know, Dad. I do, but like I said, it’s who I am. And maybe I’ll have kids, and maybe I’ll have a husband, and we could come here and Mom could spoil them. We’d still be a family.”
He frowned. “You want that? A husband and kids?” He rubbed a hand over his face.
Hailey popped into my head, then Dane, which was…holy fucking shit, a lot really quick. It was one thing to love him, but another to wonder if we’d get married one day. “I…” My voice trailed off as I thought a moment. “Maybe? I don’t know for sure, but I deserve that, don’t I? If it’s what I want, I deserve it.”