Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
I close my eyes, but the pressure of his mouth never comes.
The soft click of the door follows, and I throw myself back in the bed with a sigh, but I can’t wipe the smile from my face.
It’s May, which means Mason’s semester is almost over. Soon, I’ll have him for more than random weekends and holidays. At one point this summer, I’ll have him for several weeks straight.
The kindling flame in my belly grows at the thought, and I know if I sit here and think too hard on it, that flame will grow into an inferno. I can’t have that.
It’s hard enough not to beg him for things he’s yet to offer, even if I know it’s for my benefit.
He’d give me anything I wanted at any moment. That much I know.
It’s obvious and written in the way he looks at me, the way he touches me.
The way he tries his best not to touch me.
There’s a hint of torture in his dark gaze when we’re alone, and it only makes me want him more. There isn’t a single part of this…whatever this is between us that isn’t terrifying.
We’ve never really talked about what’s happening here, and maybe that’s because the words never seemed necessary. We’re just so effortless.
We slid right into friendship and, along the way, fell into something more.
Something real.
A sliver of guilt slips down my spine, and I tense, taking my memories back to a little over a year ago when my life took its first turn and I found out I was pregnant.
Not long after that the boy I loved left this earth.
It all feels so long ago and like yesterday at the same time.
If anyone asked me then if I thought I’d make it through that first year…well, I would have lied and said yes, but in my mind, I’d be screaming no. That I can’t do it and don’t want to. That it was all too much, and I wasn’t strong or ready.
I would have been wrong.
I might not have been ready, but I was strong.
I am strong.
The man waiting for me downstairs helped me see that.
I owe him more than I’ll ever be able to repay for what his presence in my life has done for me.
I don’t know what I would do without him.
Maybe you’ll never have to find out?
Smiling, I push from the bed, quickly changing and rushing into the bathroom to brush my teeth. It’s not until I grab a comb, looking up at my smiling face in the mirror, that my mother’s words come crashing down and bursting the little bubble I allowed myself.
She said I ruined her life.
I literally destroyed Deaton’s.
What if the poison I seem to carry infects Mason, too?
What if, instead of being the positive in his life the way he is in mine, I became the negative?
What if I’m not strong enough to let him go regardless?
No.
No!
I glare at the girl in the mirror. “Don’t do this. Don’t let her ruin you any more than she already has.”
Lifting my chin, I run the gold glittery comb through my long hair, splitting it down the center. I smirk as I make quick work of putting it into two Dutch braids, the one hairstyle my mother hated on me more than anything.
It’s petty and ultimately irrelevant, but I don’t care.
It feels good to be me, to do what I want, and right now, what I want is to go eat waffles with friends, my son, and the man who makes me feel like I matter.
But there’s something else I want, too. Desperately.
I just have to find the courage to ask for it.
I think I might.
It’s with that final thought that I slip into my shoes and head out into the hall.
The café is attached to the hotel Noah booked for us, the free nights at this place one of the many gifts he’s been given since signing his NFL contract. It’s one of those frilly places with teapots and three-tier fancy scones and treat things. I have no idea what it’s called, but everything I’ve tried—and I tried nearly all of it—is delicious. Not to mention the mile-high cinnamon toast waffles Mason ordered. A scoop of fried ice cream on top of three giant waffles? Whoever thought of that needs a raise, seriously.
We finished our plates a little over a half hour ago, but the food coma put us on lockdown, unable to stand from our tables.
The morning sun doesn’t help either, but it does feel good beaming down from above.
The café is at the farthest corner of the hotel, surrounded by a massive koi pond with rock waterfalls and a tiny bridge in the middle. There are ducks sitting in the moss, little ducklings learning how to cross from one side to the other.
Deaton is sitting in Noah’s lap, Ari right beside them, the three of them taking up the entire bridge. They’ve been sitting there for twenty minutes now, laughing and talking to Deaton, pointing out the fish below. Deaton’s eyes are glued to the water, and when I look to the side, I find Mason’s are glued on him.