Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“I was going through a Wizard of Oz phase. It’s an older movie, so I don’t know if you’ve seen it.”
“I haven’t. I know about it, but I’ve never watched it.”
“Well, I was the Tin Man. He was going to the wizard to get a heart. Of course, he really had one all along, and…” I frown. Why was I the Tin Man? At eight years old, why was it him I’d chosen, the character who didn’t think he had a heart?
Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe it was simply because I’d been fascinated with the movie, but I don’t think so. Even back then I’d felt like I didn’t love people the way I should. The thought weighs heavily on me.
“Well, that doesn’t fit you at all,” Meadow says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“You don’t think so?”
“Nope.”
And maybe…maybe I don’t think so either. “We should watch the movie. If you want. I mean, me, you, and your dad, of course.”
Meadow gives me a wide, toothy smile. “I’d like that.”
“I’d like it too.” I get back on topic. “So like I said, the costumes weren’t great, but I remember sitting at the table with Morgan, and we looked at each other and said, ‘we should wear them,’ at the same time. And we did because it was nice to make her happy.”
“You and Morgan were good sons.”
My first inclination is to say that’s debatable about myself, but then, why do I always have to tear myself down? I wasn’t perfect, but what I did that Halloween was kind. “Thanks. Anyway, Mom liked Halloween. She loved all holidays. She really got into that stuff. Morgan and I would always get East and Ella matching costumes after she passed. When they were toddlers, the nanny took us all shopping. Ella cried and cried for a butterfly costume, so I have photos of Ella and East as matching butterflies.” It’s not something I thought about in a long time, the way she was pulled toward the costume, just as she was drawn to butterflies later.
“What were you and Morgan that year?”
“He was a Power Ranger. I didn’t dress up.” By then I’d felt even more that I had to be the grown-up.
“We should dress up next Halloween!” She practically bounces in her chair. I almost say no way in hell. Rhett Swift isn’t the type of adult to dress up like that, but then, maybe I can be. Maybe that’s just another transformation. What really makes the decision for me, though, is the fact that Meadow still expects me to be in their life, two whole seasons away.
“Okay, but only if you make our costumes.”
She chuckles. “Deal.”
I look at the chess board, again trying to figure out my next move, when Meadow says, “You’re a good friend to Dad. You make him happy. He deserves that.”
I try to respond, but the words are trapped in my throat. What she said settles in my chest, seeps into me, comforting yet another part of me. I want to be that for Tripp. There are a lot of things I want to be for Tripp, all the things he is for me. I’m careful not to say the wrong thing. I also don’t want her to think something more is going on between us until Tripp is ready, but I can’t help giving her part of the truth. “He makes me happy too.”
Meadow beams, but before either of us can say anything else, the moment is broken by Tripp coming into the room. “Come on, you two. Breakfast is served, and it’s incredible, if I do say so myself. You should both shower me with thanks.”
Meadow rolls her eyes. “Oh my God, Dad. You’re such a dork.” She stands up, and he wraps an arm around her.
“Being a dork is awesome,” he tells her and winks at me.
“Eh, I guess you’re right. I have to agree with you on that one.”
The two of them start walking to the kitchen together, and I linger behind, simply watching. I feel so fucking lucky to be here with them, that they’re sharing this, themselves, with me…like we’re family.
Tripp drops his arm from Meadow, who continues into the kitchen. He stops and looks back at me, just staring at me for a moment, before saying, “Come have breakfast with us, Rhett. Your place at the table is already set.”
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but the way he says it makes me think I’ll always have a place there.
*
My house feels emptier when I get home after breakfast. Tripp asked again if I wanted to go with them to spend the day with his family, but I’d been an idiot and said no. So many things are happening so damn fast, though. I’m still trying to figure out how to accept them.