Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“How are things going working with Tripp?”
“Great. I honestly think it’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” Tripp is the best thing to ever happen to me in every way that matters.
A smile splits Dusty’s face.
“Are you hungry?” I ask. “I can make us something to eat. It’s fine if you have plans, but—”
“I can stay.”
“Okay.” I’ve tried so hard to keep my distance from people, to not let anyone or anything matter except my career and being the best at everything. Dusty’s friendship found its way into my life, and then for months, I’ve done everything I could to sever it… But just like last time he was here, it feels good to talk to my friend again.
We go into the house, and I make us fish fillets. Dusty rambles about work and the bar, which leads to him asking, “When are you going to go hang out at Gracie’s? You said you would, but you haven’t yet.”
I don’t want to be like that, don’t want to make promises I won’t keep or not show up for my family the way we were taught by our dad. “Maybe we can all meet up there next weekend? If you and Morgan don’t have plans, I mean. If you do, that’s okay. We’ll invite East and Archer too.” And Tripp. I’d really like Tripp to come, but would that be strange since they’re couples and no one knows about us? But I want them to, I want people to know, and I want someone to talk to about it.
“I think that will be great. I know Morgan will make it happen, and I have no doubt East and Archer will too.” He seems to hesitate for a moment, then adds, “You should invite Cass. The two of you are getting close.”
Closer than he knows.
Would it be all right to share with him? I can trust Dusty. He won’t tell anyone.
I plate the fillets, then add rice. Dusty pushes off the counter and takes them to the table while I get us water.
“We are,” I say, without looking at him. “Getting close.”
“That’s good. You deserve a friend like Cass.”
My heart beats so hard that it can’t be healthy. Still, I close the fridge and say, “What if it’s more than friendship?”
Without much more than a beat of time between us, Dusty says, “Then you would deserve that too, and I would be happy for you. Everyone who matters would be.”
I shed some of the weight from my chest like a snake losing its skin. I don’t know why I was so afraid for him to know—for anyone to know.
“I’ve never…with a guy…other than my one kiss with you. It’s surprising.” We sit at the table together.
“You’re letting yourself figure out who you really are, what you really want. The whole fucking world is open to you, man. It’s okay if you’re confused, but your sexuality is yours and yours alone. You don’t owe anyone any explanations.”
No, I don’t, do I? I spent my life making excuses and explaining everything I did to my dad, and I don’t have to do that anymore. Still, some things are confusing. “It’s…different. Tripp feels different. Even the…um…” Christ. Am I really going to fucking do this? What’s happened to me? “Even the sex.”
“Because he’s a guy?”
“No. I don’t think so. I mean, maybe? Maybe I wasn’t into women and didn’t realize it, but that seems unlikely. It just wasn’t as good with anyone else. It didn’t make me feel the way it does with him. I really wasn’t into sex at all until Tripp.” As soon as the words come out, it hits me how true they are. I’d had little wonderings before, considered little pieces of that truth, but didn’t think on it much. I don’t look at him as I continue. “Sex was just something I felt I was supposed to do, and now it’s something I want to do.”
“You could be demisexual.”
My gaze snaps to Dusty’s. “What’s that?”
“It’s a person who doesn’t feel sexual attraction to another person unless there’s a strong emotional bond there. I might be wrong, of course, but what you’re saying kinda sounds like that.”
My head feels slightly echoey. Demisexual. I didn’t know that was a thing, but it would make sense. The more time I spent with Tripp, talking to him, working with him, the more I noticed him, watched him, and started to feel things change between us that had me wanting to try something physical with him. And then when we’d finally given in, it felt more right than any sexual encounter I’d ever had. I crave sex with him more than I have with anyone, but I also just crave him. Everything about him.
“I think that sounds like me. Like it could fit. Before Tripp, the best kiss I’d ever had was with you.” I chuckle before realizing how that sounds. “Not that I wanted you. I don’t and haven’t ever had emotional or sexual feelings for you, but I enjoyed it. I thought that was just me being an asshole and feeling like I finally had something Morgan wanted, but maybe it’s because I’d known you my whole damn life. And even if we hadn’t been good friends, we’d been close, if for no other reason than your friendship with Morgan. There was an emotional connection between us because of that and…” I close my eyes. “I shouldn’t be saying this. I’m not trying to… You’re with Morgan and—”