Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 92140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“Barrett, this is fucked up.” Jackson pinned me with a stare.
“I know,” I said irritably. “That’s why we’re going to end it.”
“When?”
“In Chicago.”
He cocked his head. “So what is that, like your final hurrah?”
Another shrug.
“And she’s on board with that plan?”
“She will be when we discuss it,” I said carefully.
“And what happens if she isn’t?”
Unable to sit still anymore, I jumped up and started to pace. “She agrees this is wrong, Jackson. She hates the lying as much as I do.”
“So come clean about it.”
“We can’t. Not only will Mason despise us both for lying, but she really doesn’t want to be known in her small town as the woman dating her ex’s dad—who’s also about to be a grandpa. Fuck.” I stopped pacing and chugged some beer. “I thought this was just a temporary thing, you know? I thought maybe I was just panicking about getting old. About never feeling young again.”
“It does have a whiff of midlife crisis about it,” Jackson agreed.
I’d have laughed if I wasn’t so distraught. “She deserves better, Jackson.”
He studied me silently. “You really care about this girl.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I insisted. “If things were different, if I were ten years younger . . . who knows? But things are what they are, and I’m forty-fucking-seven and sterile.” I shuddered at the sound of the word.
“How old is she?”
“Thirty-two.”
“Oh. So she’s not that young.”
“No. She’s looking for a guy who wants to get married and have kids. That’s not me. I never wanted to get married in the first place, I was crap at it, and having kids is impossible anyway.”
Jackson nodded. “She knows that, right?”
“She knows about the vasectomy, yes. I’m not leading her on. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I believe you.”
I sank onto the couch again, defeated. “But I’m not an idiot. I know this can’t continue. I’m wasting her time. I’m being selfish.”
Jackson was quiet for a moment. “Even beyond that, I don’t think you should be lying to your son. If you’re truly going to build a relationship with him based on mutual trust and respect, this is not the way to start.”
“I know.” It was nothing I hadn’t said to myself a thousand times.
“You know secrets like that don’t stay secret, Zach. Not in a small town. If you continue to see her, Mason will find out. You’ll be the long-lost father who slept with his ex and then tried to cover it up. Not really going to win you many points in the dad department.”
“I never wanted to be a dad,” I said angrily, as if it mattered.
“And I never wanted to babysit a bunch of ex-Navy SEALs, but here we are. I’ve been where you are, man. I’ve kept things hidden because I thought it was the right choice. I thought I was protecting people I cared about, so I know better than anyone—it’s a road that leads to a very steep cliff. Either come clean, or break it off.”
I let his words sink in. “I’ll talk to her.”
CHAPTER 20
MILLIE
The day after Thanksgiving, I woke up early and went into the store. I stopped for coffee at a chain donut shop instead of Plum & Honey, which made me feel terrible, but I couldn’t face Frannie. All day yesterday, I’d felt like I was wearing a giant neon sign that said LIAR on it. My stomach was so upset, I’d hardly enjoyed the meal.
Several times, family members had asked me if I was okay, and I nodded and smiled and said yes, I was fine, just preoccupied with the shop. Since that was such an understandable reason for my distraction, everyone believed me. In fact, they got excited and asked tons of questions and volunteered to help out if I needed extra hands this weekend. I was expecting both of my sisters to show up this morning, possibly my dad and Dex as well. Even Dex’s girls piped up and offered their services if I needed anyone to try on dresses and see if they’d fit short brides.
I’d thanked them and said I was pretty sure the dresses were only going to fit grown-up ladies, but they were welcome to come visit the shop and try on a veil or two. They’d exchanged a look of pure joy.
Smiling at the memory—they reminded me of the MacAllister sisters at that age—I let myself into the store and looked around. There was still a ton of work to do, but the builders had finished, the floors were done, and the new lighting had been installed. It was amazing progress for just three and a half weeks.
I sipped my coffee and grimaced—it was awful, weak and stale. But I told myself I deserved it for keeping my distance from Frannie. It hurt my heart to keep something so big from her, to refrain from asking her advice. I could use it. Same with my sisters. I wasn’t used to hiding my feelings this way.