Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Every fiber of my being wanted to nod my head and say I wanted that too. I did. I probably wanted it even more than she did. I also didn’t want to be the next bastard who broke Pearl’s heart.
I thought that maybe I could be different with Pearl–that maybe this time wouldn’t be the same. But, I’d thought of some version of that every time I got into a relationship. It wasn’t like I dated women with intentions of breaking their hearts. Pearl wasn’t like any of them, though. I cared far more about getting it right with her, and that’s why I wasn’t willing to buy my own bullshit. This time, I was going to do the right thing, no matter how much it stung.
“I can’t,” I said. “I’m sorry, Pearl. We need to just keep pretending. A few more days, then I’ll be out of your hair. Then we can both forget about all this.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “That’s what you want? To forget about me?”
I let go of her hands, taking a step back. I ran my hand through the back of my hair, ruffling it in annoyance with myself. All the words I wanted to say were the ones I couldn’t. I care too much to risk hurting you. Making you cry is the last thing I want to do. I’d leave the city behind for you, if you asked me to. I would’ve done anything for her. I knew that, now. But that was why I had to do this. “I want to go back to the way things were,” I said. “Before all of this.”
“Before me,” she corrected. A tear rolled down her cheek, pattering to the floor.
“How is everything fitting in there?” the woman asked.
“Leave us alone!” Pearl snapped.
She turned her focus back on me. “I don’t want to see you right now.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“Don’t try to talk to me in our room. I think it would be best if we just avoid each other as much as we can from here forward.”
“Alright,” I said.
“You can go,” Pearl said, pointing.
I felt like shit and wanted to say a million things, but I did as she asked. Once I was outside, I balled my fists and slammed them into the brick of the building, not caring when the gritty texture bit into my skin. I leaned my forehead against the wall, breathing hard and pounding the brick again and again.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
I heard a small voice repeat the word back to me, like a childish echo.
I looked up and saw a horrified mother passing behind me with her daughter who must’ve been five or six.
“Sorry, I–”
“You should be ashamed of yourself!” she said, urging her daughter past me, who was now chanting “fuck” in a sing-song voice to the tune of Ring Around The Rosy.
Yeah, I thought. Ashamed was a good word for how I felt. There were other words, but that one was pretty good.
35
PEARL
Steph sat on a park bench beside me with a sympathetic expression on her face. A few kids were playing on the playset in front of us while parents stood off on their own, looking at their phones or just watching their kids. Nobody was paying us any particular attention, which was good, because they would’ve seen I’d been crying if they looked at me for long.
I had just finished explaining everything that happened to Steph, and even my antagonistic sister seemed to realize this wasn’t the situation to pick on me and try to make it worse.
She gave my leg a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Pearl. It took a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that. He’s an asshole for turning you down.”
“Is he, though? I mean I can be mad all I want. But what gives me the right to be mad at a guy for not liking me as much as I like him?”
“Maybe the fact that he slept with you twice?”
“He made it pretty clear those times were just… fun. Dean only ever once said something that made me think maybe he was thinking about dating me. That was before the first time. He said something about how people can change their minds. I thought he meant he was changing his mind about not wanting to date–about me. But that was wishful thinking. Clearly.”
“If a guy puts his cock in my sister, I expect him to at least have the decency to realize how freaking amazing she is.” Steph gave my leg a little pat and leaned in, making me meet her eyes.
“Thank you, but maybe Dean is right. Both of us started this whole thing by swearing off relationships. That’s not exactly a formula for a healthy boyfriend and girlfriend dynamic, you know? It’s like two people meeting at an AA meeting and deciding to go out for drinks after.”