Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 79308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
“Just what?” Whatever it was looked like it pained him, so I scooted over and patted the mattress beside me. Spencer didn’t speak as he climbed into bed with me, and me being the needy little cuddle slut I was, I immediately tried to wrap myself up in him. He lay on his back, then slid an arm under me. My cheek rested against his pec, and damned if I didn’t wish Spencer had taken his shirt off. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.
The tips of his fingers danced up and down my arm when he said, “We’ve met before.”
I frowned. “What do you mean, we’ve met before?”
“At a beach party freshman year of college. I was wearing a Power Rangers shirt, and you told me you liked it.”
I went stiff, the past playing like a movie in my head. I saw Spencer by the fire, remembered his shirt and talking to him and how comfortable I’d felt. How for a little while, I’d been able to forget that I wasn’t going to school with my friends anymore. Marcus hadn’t been in high school with us, so him doing his own program wasn’t unfamiliar, but it had still felt different.
“Jesus. That’s you! Why didn’t you tell me?” I tried to sit up, but Spencer tightened his hold on me so I couldn’t.
I could see what I’d missed before, the parts of him that were familiar to me, but I hadn’t known where from. But then, it was what, one evening seventeen years ago? I guessed it made sense I didn’t remember him. The guys had called my name that night, which was how he’d known mine, but he’d been by himself, so I hadn’t heard his.
“I loved talking to you at that party. I looked for you around campus afterward, but I never saw you again. Why didn’t you try to find me?” I could have used his friendship back then. I’d wanted it.
“I did.” My gut churned at the heaviness in his voice. “I went to look for you a few minutes after you left. I found you with your friends…heard them ask about me…who the fat guy was, if you were going to kiss me. They called you a chub chaser and…”
Jesus, I was going to throw up again, but this time it had nothing to do with alcohol. I couldn’t remember the exact words any of us had used, but I knew they hadn’t been good. I’d wanted to kiss Spencer that night, but I’d been an asshole, worried about what those guys would think of me if they knew. I’d cared more about fitting in and not being the kid who was mercilessly teased than about calling them out on the things they’d said about Spencer.
Christ. He was right. I was shallow. No wonder he hadn’t liked me. “Fuck,” I gritted out, and this time when I tried to pull away, Spencer let me. I sat up, back against the headboard, arms around my knees the way I’d been sitting on the floor earlier. I couldn’t meet his eyes, didn’t have it in me to see in them the pain I’d caused. “I’m so sorry.” The words weren’t enough, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“I didn’t tell you that so you’d feel bad, but I wanted to explain myself. I know you think highly of yourself, but it’s not like I’ve sat around for years dwelling on something a random guy said to me years ago. It was just interesting when I realized it was you on The Vers, and then suddenly we were neighbors. It brought things to the surface again.” Spencer sat up beside me.
I knew he’d been joking about me thinking highly of myself, trying to lighten the mood, but I didn’t feel light at all, and I wasn’t sure I deserved to. “I’m an asshole,” I said without looking at him.
“So am I sometimes. No one’s perfect.”
The past came barreling back, hitting me over and over with memories—the names I was called, the things people said to me. And not just about my weight. Back then my nose was too big and my skin wasn’t clear. How not a day went by that they didn’t tell me I was ugly, and what that did to my brain and heart. No one had stuck up for me until the Beach Bums. Knowing how it felt to be on the other end of comments, you’d think I would have been a better man and stood up for Spencer. “I should have told them you’re not fat.”
I risked a glance at him. He was frowning.
“Why? I am overweight, then a little more than I am now. I have a belly. My face is fuller. There’s nothing wrong with being fat or chubby or anything else.”