Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 46792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
A switch flips inside me like he just dumped a bucket of cold water over my head. I slide off his lap and stand up, running my hands over my hair to put it back in place.
The magic of the moment is gone. The old Cam would have done exactly what he wanted. How many times have I slept with a man just because he expected it? With no conversation about whether I was ready?
I sigh softly and cross my arms, feeling self-conscious. “I think you should go.”
He stands up, tilting my chin up so our gazes meet. “I didn’t mean that like you took it, Cam. I thought we were on the same page.”
I bite my tongue because I am not apologizing for giving him the wrong impression. That’s bullshit and I’m over it.
“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I say. “To date. I don’t even think I know how to date if I’m being honest. I just—I need to be alone.”
“You mean like right now? Or in general?” He sounds alarmed.
“Right now, for sure. In general, maybe.” I smile weakly up at him.
He drops his hand, his shoulders sinking with disappointment. “I don’t know what happened. We were having such a good time. Did I move too fast?”
“No, just—I want you to go.”
“Cam—”
Emotions well inside me hard and fast. I feel the terror of Jake showing up at my workplace. Calling me even after I’d changed my number. I had no control over anything he did, and my feelings meant nothing.
“I said I want you to go!” The words burst out of me, my voice wavering with emotion.
Rowan pinches his brows together, looking confused and concerned. “Okay, I’m going. I’m sorry I upset you.”
He walks out the door and as soon as he closes it, I lock it behind him. Then I let myself cry. All those damn self-help books I read landed me here. I know I need to stand up for myself and what I want, but clearly I don’t know how to do it very well.
I told Tess I’d text her after the date to tell her how it went, but I can’t even come to terms with what just happened myself, so there’s no way I’m ready to break it all down with her.
So, instead, I turn off the lights and curl up on the couch with a blanket, closing my eyes and trying to think about anything but my disastrous first date in more than a year.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Cam
“Remember, the word ‘half’ has a silent l!” I call as the boys get out of my car for school. “Have a good day!”
I exhale hard once they’re gone, smiling when Sam turns to wave at me. I wave back and blow him a kiss, then glance over my left shoulder and pull into the lane of cars exiting the drop-off line.
So far the only gripe I have about their third-grade teacher is that she gives spelling tests every Monday. That means frenzied Sunday nights studying after dinner for us. Well, mostly for me and Tate because Sam always aces the pretest and doesn’t need to study.
Now that the boys are gone, I face the music and push a button on my phone to call Tess. I told her I didn’t want to talk about the date with Rowan when I picked up the boys from her. I needed some time to think, which of course required ice cream and Netflix rom-coms. I texted her a few details yesterday and told her we could talk about it this morning on my drive to work. I’m feeling over it now, so I’m ready.
“First of all, thanks for making me wait so long to talk about this like I’m some work friend you barely know or something,” she says in answer over my car speakers.
“You’re right. This is entirely about you and your feelings.”
She bypasses my sarcasm. “I need you to tell me how he said the sexual compatibility thing. I can’t get his tone from you just texting me the words.”
“Listen. I don’t want to do the thing where we break down what he said and what he might or might not have meant. I know what I want, and Rowan’s not it. I’m done wallowing and ready to move on.”
There’s a pause before she says, “How emotionally healthy of you. It’s the self-help books, isn’t it? You don’t even need me anymore. Enjoy your next wine and cupcake night with a paperback next to you on the couch instead of your sister.”
We try to take turns being overly dramatic, so I just roll my eyes. “Well, I won’t have to fight with the book over the last of the wine left in the bottle.”
“I’m just super fucking disappointed in Rowan. You told him you didn’t want to have sex and he tried to anyway?”