Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 71246 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 356(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71246 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 356(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
It is a nice house, well cared for, and larger than any I’ve been in before. But that isn’t saying much since I come from simple people that donate their wealth to the church.
This one looks like happiness lives here, which makes my heart happy too.
I place one hand over my lower belly, protectively.
Lex tells me to stay put and comes around to open my door, which creates another wave of emotion. Proper. The word echoes again in my head and rips a river down to my heart.
I have never felt more important.
He tucks my hand through his arm and leads me up the sidewalk. Before he can reach for the bell, the door whips open and there stands a tall man, grinning, he looks every bit like Lex, only maybe 30 years older.
He grins at me, rather than Lex, which surprises me.
“Well, aren’t you the prettiest thing I have ever seen.” He opens the screen door and ushers us in as I blush, not knowing what to say to that. “Come in, come in.”
I can feel Lex beaming at me.
“Hi,” I stick out my hand, “I’m Jude Abbot.”
Before he can take my hand, there is a crowd behind him, pushing, wanting to see me, too.
“It’s her, she’s here!”
“You’ll have to excuse us; we have no manners. Lex has never brought a girl to family dinner before.”
“Girl, that’s the prettiest dress I’ve seen in a long time. You look fantastic!”
I don’t know who is saying what, and suddenly, Lex’s brothers are pulling everybody back as he chuckles and steers me in with his hand on my lower back. I am instantly overwhelmed. They are a sea of happy faces and open hearts. Each person is even warmer than the next.
One of the women grabs me by the hand, her hair is blonde and curled at the ends.
“Enough! She gets to have five minutes with us before you all devour her with questions. A girl needs a breather to get adjusted.”
I feel relief, and it takes the edge off. It’s all so overpowering, I’m grateful for her kindness. She leads me into the kitchen, away from the bustle of activity in the living room, and introduces me to Lily, Sebastian’s wife.
“And I’m Jules, Remmy’s wife. We are so excited to meet you! We’ve been able to talk about nothing else all day.
“Boy, Lex sure knows how to pick them. You are gorgeous!” It’s Lily, being incredibly sweet. She can’t be much older than me, with similar blonde hair. And she’s pregnant. My eyes saucer when they pick up on that detail, and she nods.
“Yep,” patting her belly, “baby number two. Next in line for the Miller clan.” She is grinning, obviously happy about her news.
I feel an unexpected presence at my knee and look down to find a toddler coiled around my leg, looking up me. A feeling of instant contentment hits as this moment becomes one of the most magical experiences I have ever had in my life. My eyes smart with a flash of moisture, and the tension in my chest is so swift that it threatens to overtake me and prevent me from ever taking a breath again. It’s all so overwhelming.
Looking down at this beautiful, innocent-hearted babe staring up at me with such wonder, my heart nearly bursts. My sense of astonishment felt far beyond my ability to articulate. It was a rare, delicate privilege I would have only been allowed if I had become a mother, and, only if, my body had been designated as a feeder for the wee ones.
No longer able to hear any of the voices around me, I’m suspended in time and space. I’m simply present in this deeply spiritual experience with this child. We smile at each other, and fat tears fall from my eyes.
I glance up at the women, wishing so desperately that they would allow me to touch the child’s hand, yet not knowing the rules and what is allowed or even how to ask. I just want desperately to connect with her in some small way that would fill the chasm in my heart that has opened up by her approaching me.
Lily, the woman nearest my age, pipes up.
“Maggie likes you! Go on then, she probably wants you to pick her up.” She is grinning and gesturing her encouragement, and I can hardly believe my ears.
I move my eyes back down just in time to see a wide, toothy grin and the little girl rising her arms up to the sky, over her head. She does want me to pick her up.
I feel an intense terror mixed with exhilaration. It is almost as if I’m being welcomed into this new tribe. One where children not only see and recognize me, but where I get to see and experience them. Something maternal in me breaks open, and all I want is the freedom to love this little child forever.