Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 66962 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66962 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Look what a good job you did of that when you tried to run.
I knew I needed them for now, but no matter how much I wanted to help Blade and to find out what the connection between us meant, I couldn’t stay here. I might enjoy watching the horses, but I wasn’t going to turn into a cowboy all of a sudden.
“Please don’t say anything about it. I…” I ran a hand through my hair. “I like him, okay? But I don’t exactly have a good history with men, and I need to solve my current problem, then get back home.”
“Sometimes we have no idea what we need,” Jacob said.
“That’s for damn sure,” Rogue agreed.
No matter how much I might wish it, Blade didn’t need me to add to his problems. Now that I wasn’t with him, I could think more objectively. I wanted him, and he wanted me, but that didn’t mean we were good for each other.
“Don’t run away from something that might be perfect for you,” Jacob said.
Rogue huffed and turned to me. “You tried that once. How did it work out?”
I thought about that night, about Blade pressing me up against the wall of his cabin and tossing me onto his bed. “It worked out okay actually.”
“Don’t assume you’ll be that lucky again.”
11
BLADE
After seeing Carlo for a second time, I was paralyzed with indecision for days. Being with him by the barn had been as good as the night I’d caught him prowling around if not better. I had to face the fact that there really was something between us other than the driving lust that had gotten me to give into his suggestion. The attraction between us was no less potent now, and I had no idea what to do about that.
Day to day, I didn’t know if I’d be sane enough to function in the real world or if I’d have to retreat within myself. I didn’t know if a bad night of dreams was going to make me snap and leave me no better off than I was when I’d first gotten out of that horrible cell, where they…
I wasn’t going to think about that. I pushed those mental images away, building a wall to keep it out the way Ghost had taught me.
Today, with the sun shining yet again, the air less oppressive than usual, and the memory of Carlo’s face as he came, I was able to hold myself together.
Carlo made it easier to feel… good? Halfway normal? Human? But I couldn’t depend on him to keep me sane any more than I could depend on Grant. I had to fight this on my own, and if I wasn’t safe to be around, I couldn’t bring Carlo into my life.
He’s not going to be here forever. You’re allowed to have more fun.
It was more than fun, though. It was… all the terms I could think of were ridiculous—life altering, heavenly, soul-shattering.
And yet, they seemed true.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced down. It was Rogue. He and Grant had been checking up on me multiple times a day since my encounter with Carlo. Grant kept asking me to come to the barn, but I wasn’t up for that. Even if I was ready to admit I wanted to see Carlo again, I wasn’t ready to see him when the others were around
Why were they so concerned? I’d gone several days without going to the barn or the ranch house plenty of times, and I…
My heart began to pound. Did they know? How could they? What if one of them had seen us together in the woods? I cringed at the thought. Please don’t let that be the reason.
Most likely, they were just worried because they didn’t know what had happened between me and Carlo, but they knew it had unsettled me. That had to be it, right?
Later that morning, as I zoned out rewatching Parks and Rec and crocheting, someone knocked on the door.
My first thought was Carlo. The knock was too soft to be Grant, and I’d wondered if, after days of me not showing up again, Carlo had snuck away from whoever was watching him and come out here.
The knocking came again. “It’s Ghost. Can I talk to you?”
Shit. Rogue knew. I was sure of it now. I didn’t know how he’d found out, but if he’d sent Ghost here to check on me, then he had to know. Otherwise, he would have come himself. Rogue knew I wasn’t going to respond to his demands to tell him what was going on, so he’d sent the man whose silence could match mine.
I opened the door. “Rogue sent you, didn’t he?”
Ghost smiled. “Yeah, but I’m worried about you too.”
“You don’t need to be.”
He raised his brows. “Don’t I?”
“Do you want a beer?” I gestured for him to come in. If he was here on Rogue’s orders, I wasn’t getting rid of him easily.