Total pages in book: 235
Estimated words: 227851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1139(@200wpm)___ 911(@250wpm)___ 760(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 227851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1139(@200wpm)___ 911(@250wpm)___ 760(@300wpm)
“Has she found out?” Sam asks. “About Jake. About—”
“No.” I can’t believe I’m sharing this. “I did something stupid.” I give the room my face so they can see my remorse.
“What?” John asks, taking a seat, along with Sam. “What the hell have you done now?”
“I took Ava’s pills.” I say it quickly before I can bottle it and watch as every man at the table slowly leans back on their stools. Silence. It’s fucking awful.
“You tried to get her pregnant?” Drew asks, while John and Sam stare at me, obviously wondering if when I say pills, I mean what they think I mean.
“I thought it would cement our relationship,” I mumble pathetically. “Stop her worrying about my devotion when she saw how happy I’d be.”
Sam coughs, Drew shakes his head, and John just carries on with his staring. His silence is the worst.
“I just wanted Ava to—”
“Have no say in the matter?” Sam asks. “Fuck me, Jesse, are you hearing yourself?”
“Yeah, Jesse, I’ve got to say, this is leaping the line.” Drew blows out his cheeks. He’s not a man easily shocked, so I’m achieving something. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“That’s the point,” I grate. “I clearly wasn’t really fucking thinking, was I? All I know is she made me feel incredible and I desperately needed to keep that going.”
“You don’t feel so incredible now, do you?” Drew asks, laughing, but it’s a laugh of disbelief. “Fucking hell.”
“So she found out?” Sam asks. “How?”
“Because she’s not stupid, unlike me.” I look at John again. He’s still staring, still quiet. “Will you please talk?”
He stands, pulling in his suit jacket, and then he walks right out of my kitchen without a word, all three of us watching him go.
“John,” I call, getting up and going after him. “John, wait.”
I’ll take a punch, a mouthful, anything, but his silence is unbearable. I make it to the door as he’s walking out of it. “John, come on.”
He turns, and I back up, seeing the threat in his eyes, but the man can move fast when he wants to, and he wants to now. I’m naked from the waist up, so he has nothing to grab and use to thrust me up against the wall, so he resorts to a good old, very effective, shove in my chest, sending me crashing back against the plaster. The back of my head bounces off it, making me grit my teeth and ride the pain. I can’t go back at him. He’s up in my face, savage, and I’m seriously regretting wishing for something more than his unbearable silence. His nostrils flare, his eyes wide and crazy. “You took away a woman’s right to be safe. To choose.” He’s physically shaking, and I know it’s to hold back the punch that I thoroughly deserve. “It’s fucking despicable. I’m done with you, you motherfucking bastard.” Turning, he leaves, slamming the door.
And I stare at the wood, frozen, my heart cracking some more.
Shocked.
Done with me? What, for today? Or forever?
“He’ll calm down,” Drew says quietly, coming to me, doing something very unlike Drew, placing a hand on my shoulder and massaging. “This crazy has got to stop, Jesse.”
“I know.” I peel my back from the wall and go to the couch. “It already stopped. I know I was fucking stupid and selfish.” I look at my two mates and smile mildly. “You don’t have to hang around. I’m not going to make a grab for the vodka.”
Sam laughs, going to the TV cabinet and collecting the remote control before dropping to the other end of the couch. “I’ve got nowhere to be.” He clicks the button to reveal the TV and turns it on.
“Me neither.” Drew takes his suit jacket off and drapes it neatly over the back of the couch before he puts himself in the middle of us.
“I thought you’d be heading to The Manor.”
“Changed my mind. Wanna watch a film?”
“Notting Hill?” Sam asks, flicking through the channels.
“No.” Drew grimaces. “Something less lovey-dovey. I don’t want you two girls crying on me.”
“Fatal Attraction?” Sam offers.
Drew snorts, and as inappropriate as it is, I find myself laughing lightly. In all the years I’ve known these two, we have never sat down and just watched a movie together. This is . . . weird. But I’ll take it. Better than wallowing and torturing myself alone. “Go on,” I say. “It might make me feel better about myself.”
Sam chuckles and puts the movie on, and we settle in, but my mind doesn’t stray far from Ava and how I can fix things, as well as how I can fix things with John.
If I can.
12
The boys were gone by midnight. I went to bed, tried to sleep, gave up at four, pulled on my shorts, and ran to Kate’s. I took a breather outside. Ran back to Lusso.