Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 73663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“She likes the butterflies. I really think that’s all it is. Maybe having some normalcy, a little routine. I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything.”
“But you are, and that’s what matters. Carlo is struggling with his guilt and his demons.”
“This doesn’t have to be all on you, you know.” She leans over, brushing knuckles against my face. I catch her hand. “You can share with me sometimes.”
“You want that, baby? You want me to unload on you?”
“I want you to be less stressed. Tell me what I can do to help.”
I tug her closer. She slips off the desk and into my lap. I kiss her softly, holding her close against my body, and I’m amazed at how quickly it manages to calm me down. Her touch is enough to soothe me, and maybe it doesn’t remove my anger and my pain, but it dulls everything.
She quiets the roar.
And that’s enormous.
“Just being here is enough.”
“Alright then. I’ll be here.” She presses her head against my chest. I hold her in silence for a while, concentrating on her smell and her breathing instead of on how badly I want to break my asshole brother’s jaw.
Chapter 28
Maddie
After the run-in with Carlo on Monday morning, there aren’t any other family issues. I still chat with Stella after work for a little while, at least while the sun’s still out.
Stefania joins us once, and even though her mother barely acknowledges her presence, I get the feeling that it’s cathartic. Afterwards, we drink some wine together, and she seems like she’s in a good mood as she heads back to campus.
Things are going good with Renzo too. I’m comfortable with him now. Sleeping in bed with him at night isn’t intimidating anymore, and I’m not surprised when I find his arms wrapped around me in the morning. We sleep together all the time, having sex on any available surface, and basically acting like horny teenagers. It’s fantastic. I’ve never been so satisfied before.
But in the back of my mind, I know this can’t last forever. I want it to—especially in the middle of the week when he fucks me on his desk after sending the entire office out to lunch on his personal tab—but there are so many reasons why this is going to blow up in my face.
Like on Saturday morning when I roll out of bed before Renzo for once, stagger into the bathroom, and puke my guts up.
I’m covered in a sheen of cold sweat. My heart rate’s going wild as I flush, brush my teeth, and poke my head out. He’s still fast asleep—it’s barely past five in the morning and we were up late having another epic fuck festival. I’m still sore from the spankings.
Nicole picks up the phone when I call her. I’m in the guest room, door shut, away from any prying ears. “Hello?”
“Hey, sorry, I know it’s really early.”
“Maddie? Are you okay? Fuck, what time is it?”
“You’re the best friend in the world. I’m fine. I mean, I’m not in immediate danger.”
I hear her shifting around in bed. “What’s up? I had a late work thing last night. A bunch of awkward coworkers drinking too many cocktails. Now I am paying for it. Actually, I think I’m still drunk.”
“Nicole. I just threw up.”
She laughs. “Yeah, hon, I’m about to puke too. Want to listen?”
“I’m not joking. I didn’t drink last night. I woke up, felt queasy, and I puked.” I pause for a second, letting it sink in, but she doesn’t seem to understand yet. “We’re trying to get me pregnant.”
“Oh,” she says. “Oh! Oh my god!”
“Yeah, I know. I mean, I don’t know if that’s what it is—”
“Morning sickness!”
I smile to myself. “Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say.”
“Sorry, my brain’s working at half speed right now. No, it’s definitely quarter speed. I’m drunk.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I whisper, feeling the weight of this press me down into the cold sheets.
“We’ll get you tests. All the tests.”
“Okay.” I take a deep breath through my nose. “That’s a good start. Then what?”
“Well, you pee on the stick thingy—”
“No, I mean, if I really am pregnant. What the hell do I do?”
“You tell Renzo,” she says softly. “It’ll be okay, I promise. He wants this, right?”
“Definitely.”
“And you want it too?”
I chew my lip and don’t respond.
Because what do I want? If I’m pregnant, it’s too late for second thoughts—but what happens now? The deal we made says I’ll carry the baby to term, give birth, and move on with my life. Renzo will be the child’s father and I’ll just be, I don’t know, some lady that gave birth to them? I don’t know how this is supposed to work.
Tears clog my eyes. I’m choking on them. This was so stupid. I knew from the start that I couldn’t handle giving my child up, and now that it’s real, and it’s actually happening, I can see how I’ve been lying to myself from the start.