Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 102079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 510(@200wpm)___ 408(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 510(@200wpm)___ 408(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Vi handed him the other bags, but I didn’t wait another second. I needed to get out of the house. He followed me up the lane to the farm stand. My nervous fingers fumbled the key, and I dropped it on the ground along with the money bag. When I bent down to pick them up, a loaf of bread fell out of the bag.
“Dang it,” I whispered, tossing the bread back into the bag. As soon as I stood, the whole paper bag ripped open, depositing all the baked goods onto the ground. I dropped to my knees in defeat to gather everything. Matt took the key from my hand and unlocked the door. He stepped over the mess on the ground, set the sacks on the counter, and slid past me toward the house without a word.
“No,” I said.
He stopped with his back to me.
“We’ve been through too much for there to be nothing left to say.” I deserted the baked goods and stood as tall as I could under the weight of that brick house.
Matt turned.
“I don’t want to give you a list of reasons; they’ll only sound like weak excuses that won’t change what has happened,” I said.
He kept his stony expression firmly in place. “It’s unforgivable, Sarah.”
Pastor Jacobson’s daughter would have had a lineup of Bible verses about forgiveness. But I felt abandoned by my pastor and God, so I didn’t have a sermon to offer, no divine wisdom.
“You’re probably right. But I wasn’t in …” I shook my head.
“In what?” He squinted. “In love with me? We broke up, and all of your feelings vanished?”
“No,” I whispered. “But it’s not like we used to be. With you, I felt less than. And I was tired of fighting for you and everyone else to acknowledge that my dreams mattered.”
“I told you they did.”
“No. You begrudgingly acknowledged them when we fought. That’s my point. I was tired of fighting, tired of begging, tired of jumping up and down saying, ‘Hey! Look! I have dreams too!’ So, imagine how it felt when someone who shared my dreams looked at me like I was special and deserving. Like I was the only one in the room. Like everything I did made him smile.” I wiped tears from my cheeks. “Matt, we were over.”
“Anyone.” He clenched his jaw. “Anyone but my brother.”
“That’s not how life works.”
He grunted. “It is, actually. It’s called self-control. You just close your knees, Sarah. It’s that simple.”
I tried not to react, but I couldn’t help but flinch. “What do you want me to say?” I whispered.
“I want you to admit that you’re a terrible person.”
I swallowed. “I’m a terrible person.”
“You should have been in that car with Heather and Joanna.”
I blinked, and a fresh round of tears escaped. “I should have been in the car with them.”
His face morphed with ugly pain, blue eyes streaked red. “Fuck you,” he whispered, wiping his eyes. “Stop agreeing with me. Stop making me sound like a monster. I’m not the monster.” His fingers curled into his hair, and he tugged at it.
I took a few more steps and rested my hand on his back. He jerked away.
“I should have told you. I tried to protect everyone except you, and I’m truly sorry for that.”
Losing Matt, my friend, felt like its own death. I was so sorry for the pain I’d caused, but I didn’t regret Isaac. And those two facts were hard to reconcile.
“I’m not coming back.” He wiped his eyes and stared at me. “When I leave in August, I’m not coming back. I hate my parents. I hate this town. And …”
“You hate me.”
He leered over my shoulder with watery eyes. “I don’t hate you. I actually love you. But I just don’t want to see you again.”
As Matt turned and headed towards the house, he gripped my heart and clenched it.
Tearing … tearing … tearing.
I did not hold back the tears. He stopped, angling his head a fraction toward his shoulder until his chin nearly touched it.
“But maybe someday,” he said.
I closed my eyes, pressing my quivering lips together.
Someday. Maybe someday he’ll forgive me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
PHIL COLLINS, “AGAINST ALL ODDS”
My confidence waned. Everything Isaac brought out of me started to dissolve with each passing day. Had he cheated on me and ended it, I would have felt less pain than the uncertainty of abandonment.
“Sarah!” Eve and Gabby barreled down the porch stairs when I arrived for dinner Thursday night.
“Oof!” I laughed as they hugged me at the same time.
“Please say you’re staying,” Gabby begged, taking my hand and pulling me toward the house as Eve grabbed my empty backpack that I needed to refill.
“I’m staying for dinner,” I said.
“That’s not what I mean.” Gabby huffed.
“What’s it like living in a motel?” Eve asked as we stepped into the house.