Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 102079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 510(@200wpm)___ 408(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 510(@200wpm)___ 408(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Matt’s expression softened, surrendered like he understood my concerns. “No. It wasn’t just you. I wanted this too,” he said, hugging me. “But you’re right. A lot is happening all at once. I thought we could do this and enjoy our summer, like a really good farewell. But you’re right. It will only make it harder, and it’s not worth the risk.” He sighed, releasing me and running his hands through his hair.
Isaac was wrong. Matt cared about me. He loved me. Maybe he didn’t show it in grand ways, like buying me a guitar and taking me to Nashville, but I was the girl he fell in love with when we were just kids. And I think, had I not advocated for splitting up, he would have married me.
He loved me more than I loved him.
That. Broke. My. Heart.
I loved him, but not like that. Love couldn’t be forced or faked. Not that kind of love.
It felt like an impossible choice—hurting my first love and risking my family’s security or being honest. The truth felt more cruel than the lie. I wanted Matt to be the one with the wandering eye, finding someone else so I didn’t feel like an awful person.
But he would never choose anyone but me as long as we were living in Devil’s Head.
“Is it over?” he asked with a deep frown. “Should we stop now?”
I panicked. What if his dad stopped helping my parents?
“Hey,” Matt grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I’m not looking forward to telling my family either.” He offered a small grin, obviously reading my mind. “I think they like you better than they like me.”
I returned a nervous chuckle. “That’s not true.”
“So we don’t tell anyone.”
“For how long?”
He shrugged. “As long as we can get away with it. The rest of the summer. Thanksgiving. Christmas.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek.
“Why do you look so terrified?” he asked. “No one will find out. It’s not like we won’t see each other. I’m busy. You’re working. No one will suspect anything. It will be fine.”
I tried to nod and actually believe it. But everything wasn’t going to be fine. There were too many secrets—the really bad kind that could break up families.
“So this is it?” Suddenly, my heart recalled all the reasons I fell in love with Matt. And while I didn’t want to marry him or be his girlfriend any longer, the official decision to end things made my eyes burn with unexpected sadness.
“Don’t. It’s for the best.” Again, he squeezed my hand, but that only made it worse.
So I hugged him as the dam broke, and I bled with empathy and guilt. Part of me wished Isaac would not have come home. That was the version of myself that aimed to please, the version that was a chameleon, fitting into whatever anyone needed me to be.
But Isaac did come home, and I got a glimpse of my true self, and I couldn’t turn back.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CYNDI LAUPER, “GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN”
“I need a huge favor,” I said to Heather the second she hopped into my car.
We were meeting a few friends for burgers and bowling two days after the rodeo.
“What?” she asked slowly with distrust in her eyes.
I wrinkled my nose. “I need you to let your parents think I’m camping with you and everyone else on the Fourth the way I’m letting my parents believe it.”
“Uh, what do you mean? You’re making it sound like you won’t be camping with us.”
“I won’t. And please don’t have a cow. I know we’ve been looking forward to this for weeks, but something has come up, and I can’t pass up the opportunity,” I said, backing onto her street.
“Just tell me. However, there’s nothing that will make it okay for you to miss this trip, short of death, but I’m totally listening.”
“I’m going to Nashville.”
“Not even!”
“Even.”
“With who?” she gasped.
I pressed my lips together for a beat. “Isaac.”
“Dude. No way. Why? How? Did he ask you? Are you in love with him? Tell me!”
I couldn’t hide my excitement as I gripped the steering wheel to keep my whole body from shaking. “The other night, when I went with Matt and his parents to the rodeo, I headed to the bathroom to get another Pepsi, and Isaac was sitting in his truck playing his guitar. He called me ‘gorgeous,’ and it sounded so hot. And the next thing I knew, he was inviting me to Nashville over the Fourth. Some guy he knows from the Army has a bar there, and Isaac’s going to perform. He said I’m not allowed to perform, but I’m going to change his mind.”
“Dude …” Heather shook her head. “That’s crazy. What if your parents find out? What if Matt finds out? And why didn’t you tell me this when we talked on the phone the other night? You only said that you and Matt weren’t going to keep having sex. You totally skipped this very important bit of information.”